


Profit and Loss

by Nebulash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-05-31 21:04:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6487333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebulash/pseuds/Nebulash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Intern Ren and CFO Hux work for First Order Enterprises under CEO Snoke. They share some differences at first, but the increasingly dramatic atmosphere surrounding their current mundane office life may be just enough to bring them closer together.   </p><p>My stab at a Star Wars TFA Office/Business AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ren - One

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a multiple chaptered fic that alternates between Hux and Ren's POV. Using this to sort of vent out my own boring work frustrations.  
> Hope you guys enjoy!

My name is Ren Solo and I’m starving. It’s almost two in the afternoon, but the kitchen hasn’t cleared out of occupants yet. I always wait until everyone has left to eat my lunch. I’d much rather be alone. I really have no interest in making idle conversation and small talk with a bunch of people I don’t care about. I just started this job and I’m not exactly here to make friends. I’m an intern of sorts, for the boss, Mr. Snoke. He hired me because he says I have lots of promise, not really sure what he sees in me but that’s fine, I need the money.

First Order Enterprises is what we call ourselves. And if you ask me what we do, I couldn’t really tell you. Something about managing people’s money, investing it in the right places, and also giving consultation advice to other businesses that don’t have their shit together. My job consists of supporting the staff that does the “real” work. Scanning, filing, sending emails - really as long as I don’t have to pick up the phone I’m pretty happy.

I just moved out of my parents’ house. I’m 29, going absolutely nowhere so it was just time to take a step in the right direction. I moved to the nearest city, applied to everywhere I could, and met Mr. Snoke at the only interview I got. He tells me that because I have a few misdemeanors on my record, and no college degree, it’s unlikely that anywhere is going to want to hire me. I think this is probably my best shot. Maybe even my only shot.

I live with my cousin. She’s alright I guess. She spends most of her time at her boyfriend’s apartment and that’s just fine with me. As I said earlier, I like keeping to myself. That’s just how it is.

So here I am, wasting away in an office job. It’s not exactly what I had in mind for myself when I was screaming at my parents to let me be myself, but you know how it goes. You don’t always get what you want, at least not right away.

It eventually quiets down enough in the kitchen that I decide it’s safe enough to go throw my lunch in the microwave. I usually cook something at the beginning of the week and break it up into servings for lunch. I like to cook, it’s something I do in my spare time on the weekends, and it’s cheaper than eating out.

It’s company policy for us to take a 30 minute break for lunch, but we’re not allowed to eat at our desk. A stupid rule in my opinion and I’m all for breaking the rules, but it’s my first week here. I’d rather not get fired right away.

So I head into the kitchen - peace and quiet. I grab my food from the refrigerator and throw it in the microwave, but to my disappointment this asshole walks on in, red hair, almost as tall as me but not quite, shirt tucked in, black tie, sleeves rolled up but in that neat annoying kind of way. My attempt to be alone has failed.

He looks at me angry that he’s not alone. I feel similarly, but he can’t walk away now that I’ve made eye contact with him, so he huffs, sits down at the table and waits patiently for me to finish preparing my food. Once it’s ready I take a seat at the break room table. I eat, he makes his food, and then he sits down across from me. There isn’t really anywhere else to sit in the break room and we can’t go back to our desks, so we’re really just stuck here like this - both silently eating and judging the other. He’s got blue eyes, and really red hair and the way he holds his fork is kind of weird. His hand doesn’t look like mine. I really do wish I could be alone, this feels awkward and I’m angry at him for ruining this for me. But the annoyance on his face is clear as well, so I think I’ll stay.

We both finish our meals at our own pace, which is basically the same to both of our disapproval. We also both want to get a cup of coffee, which requires me to awkwardly stand behind him as he prepares his own. I watch him as he makes it, unsure where else I should put my eyes in a situation like this. He takes it black, with about half a packet of sugar, I can tell by the way he carefully tips it out that he’s not recklessly pouring it all in. This is measured, controlled,

I get my coffee and return to my desk, finish my work as usual. It’s trivial stuff really, I think maybe I’m capable of more. Snoke says in time he’ll help me move up and be successful...he sees himself in me or something like that. So I guess I can just trust him.

‘Red’ isn’t spotted until the next day. My cubicle is close to the break room, so I can see people come and go. Somehow he always must walk by when I have my head buried in my work, but during lunch time, when it finally quiets down and everyone is back at their desks, he too shows up in the break room to eat in peace and quiet. I ruin that for him, once again.

Just as before, we both prepare our meals separately and sit next to each other at the stupidly small break room table. Both of us once again eat in silence. I observe that he brings something in a container with him and heats it up in the microwave. That means he must cook, I like to cook. I wonder if we have that in common.

I finish before him this time and beat him to the coffee pot. This annoys him I think, because I take a bit too long to get my drink. His body language is asking me to hurry up, so I take my time. I finish, turn and look him in the eyes, holding his gaze for just a moment. He stares right back at me, looking anything but amused. He looks more tired today than he did yesterday, I wonder if he had trouble sleeping. Then I leave and resume my day to day tasks of filing, scanning, and dying slowly.

-

This continues on for about two weeks. Just us, both waiting to appear until after the break room has cleared, silently eating our lunches together and then returning to work. Neither of us wants to back down. I think it’s starting to feel almost normal. Sometimes I finish first, sometime he does. Whenever he beats me to the coffee pot I watch him prepare his coffee. The amount of sugar he puts into it corresponds to the size of the bags under his eyes. I’ve noticed.

I try not to think about Red, but telling myself to not think about someone or something is basically begging for the opposite. The tasks that make up my work day are overly simple. It gives me too much time to think. My mind has always been one to wander. I used to worry about things, silly things, my parents would tell me. They weren’t silly to me at the time though, not at all. I guess that’s just how it feels to be misunderstood. Red must feel misunderstood too. Nobody that avoids people like that feels like they feel understood. And here we go again..I’m thinking about him again. I can’t get him off my mind.

When I get home, my cousin Rey is on the couch and can tell that something is on my mind. She always can. She asks me about it, over and over, in that way that starts to make me feel guilty when I don’t give her the answer she’s looking for.

“I can tell something is wrong with you, I always can.”

“Your pestering me is what’s wrong.”

“That’s not it, it’s more than that. Is everything okay with the new job?”

“It’s fine.” My voice comes out to sharp, she picks up on this of course.

“So work is bothering you...” I hate how concerned she looks at this. I’m not really so sure why she cares. Maybe my mother talked to her before I moved in. Maybe she made Rey promise to take care of me or something idiotic like that.

“I just said it was fine” too sharp, once again.

“You know there are plenty of other places that would probably hire you out there. I know you think this is your big break but you’ve been looking so tired lately I can’t help but think ---”

But there aren’t. And she really doesn’t understand this. She’s young, still going to university. She doesn’t realize how I fucked myself a few years back selling drugs, just small things, like pills and marijuana. But I got arrested twice and had to spend a good long while on probation. With my qualifications, I’m lucky to have a job at all.

“Rey...just. Quiet. Shh. It’s not that. It’s not the job. There’s just this guy. I eat lunch with him every day.”

“Oh..?” The way she looks up at me makes my stomach turn. I know exactly what she's thinking.

“No! Not..not like that. We have to eat in the break room right? So...I wait until all of the other employees have eaten, and then I go. This guy does the same damn thing. Every day. So we end up eating together.”

“So?..okay, what’s he like?”

I let out an overly dramatic sigh. Rey had always been a romantic, and she had found her current boyfriend so quickly after starting college that it almost made me a little jealous. I never found anyone I could click with like that, so easily. It was so simple for them.

“That’s the thing. I have no idea. We don’t talk, we just eat. It makes me mad that he intrudes and doesn’t just wait until after I’m done or something.”

“Why should he have to wait? Why shouldn’t you?”

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you”

“So just talk to him.”

“Talking isn’t one of my strong suits, Rey. I thought you might have noticed.”

“Or don’t then! Be awkward as usual. But here you have a perfectly good someone that is obviously quite similar to you in a way. At least in the fact that he’s stubborn too.”

“I’m not there to make friends.”

“No?...well maybe a few friends wouldn’t hurt Ben.”

That name annoys me, and no matter how many times I ask her to call me Ren, she always goes back to it. In addition to that, being told you need to make more friends by your cousin who is ten years your junior is quite frustrating too, as you might imagine. But Rey was always so wise for her years, almost as immature I am for mine sometimes perhaps. I huff, get what I want from the kitchen, and retire from my room.

Rey might think she knows everything, but she’s always had it so easy. She never feels awkward in a room full of people, she never has trouble knowing what to say. Friends literally flock to meet her when she wills them to. It’s just not like that for me. I’ve never had friends, always been lonely. People just really don’t understand me, and I don’t understand them, and at this point in my life I’ve really just accepted that. It’s frustrating, my parents were the same way, both of them really couldn’t grasp the concept of my antisocial behavior. It shouldn’t matter now that I’m away from them, but Rey still tries to keep me in check.

I really wish everyone would just leave me alone and let me do what I want. Is that really so much to ask?

I let my mind wander back to Red. Compared to all of this, thinking about him is a welcome break. It doesn’t make me nearly as upset as it does to think about my obnoxious family, so why not let myself indulge. I wonder what his name is, where he lives. I know he’s the CFO for Snoke’s company, putting him pretty high up there, but I guess he’s still not high enough on the totem pole to be able to break the rules and eat at his desk. I guess Snoke kept a tight ship, that was his style.

My favorite thing to do is to see what color tie he wears every day. I’m waiting for him to repeat one, I’m not sure why. Surely he can only have so many ties. He must be wealthy to have so many. I have one, it’s black. It gets the job done. I wonder if he’s noticed I wear the same one every day. I hope he doesn’t think badly of me - and I also wonder why the idea of his negative opinion of me hurts me so much.

I lay back on my bed, take a deep breath and attempt to empty my thoughts. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to try and attempt to talk to him. My only fear, and it’s a strange fear considering I only really wanted to be alone - is that the second I open my mouth, I lose, and I give in, or that he’ll see I’m not worth the trouble and leave. I don’t know which is worse, they both seem pretty terrible options to me. I hope neither of them happen to come true. Maybe he’ll like me. Maybe for once I’ll be able to make a friend. I guess we’ll just have to see.

 


	2. Hux - Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux gives us his opinions of what's been happening at the office.

How dare he. Who does he think he is? Doesn’t he know I’m practically almost on the same level as his boss. Regardless, I’ve been here for much longer than him. Does he have no respect? For three whole years now, I have quietly enjoyed lunch by myself in the break room, in the solitude that follows lunch time rush. But there has been a new employee cramping my metaphorical style, and it is getting quite tiresome. He’s tall, his nose is too big. He wears the same plain black tie every single day. It’s probably the only one he has. Typical. He must be late twenties or so, he looks younger than that. Probably because he acts like a child. I’ll continue playing his little lunch game. He’ll learn his lesson eventually.

For two whole weeks, this creature has forced me to eat alongside him. He’s absolutely insane if he thinks I’m going to budge. I’ve been here longer than he has. He should bow to me. He should wait until I’m finished eating and then have his lunch. People have absolutely no respect... He’s just an intern, a nobody - probably hasn’t even gotten the proper education. I had to go to university for years to get to where I am. I’ve worked for everything I have fighting tooth and nail. It’s not fair for someone like him to just show up and throw his weight around.

Snoke has always had this horrible habit of picking up street rats and giving them chances. It usually backfires, I can’t see how this imbecile is going to be any different, especially considering he’s already driving me up the wall. The other day after lunch he looked at me. Just LOOKED at me like he thought he had won something. Well he’s got a rude awakening coming, that’s certain.

I finally I have an office, and for some stupid fucking reason I’m not ‘allowed’ to eat in there. It’s just company policy, and it’s been that way since I started working here. It’s much more relaxed at First Order Enterprises than it was working with my Father, so there’s always that. I have to remind myself of this sometimes, whenever I get frustrated.

But this new kid is seriously driving me insane. I work so hard every single day that 30 minutes of lunch time was sacred to me. Ridiculous really, but that’s how it is. I wish he would learn his place and back down, but based on the way he looked me in the eye the other day. I highly doubt that’s likely.

My name is Brydon Hux, I live by myself in a small high-rise apartment not too far from the office. It’s a bit noisy in the city for my taste, but I like the energy sometimes. At night when the noise from the streets calms down a bit, I sit on the balcony and smoke a few cigarettes. It helps me calm down after a stressful day at work. Currently that’s where I find myself. On my balcony, staring out at the lights and hustle and bustle of the city below.

It’s frustrating, that no matter where I seem to go, people still feel the need to undermine me. It’s like my father has secretly whispered to everyone I come into contact with, not to give me any sort of satisfaction for anything. Even Snoke is frugal with praise, I’m left with nothing but my own confidence in my work to keep myself going. I’m intelligent, I’ve had the correct amount of schooling, I’m a perfect candidate for the job all things considered. But that doesn’t stop annoying interns from walking on into my life and leaving me feeling nothing but annoyed and disheartened.

I blow smoke out of my nose and watch as it floats away into the polluted city air. I could probably run my own company, with my own ideas and goals and rules, but I just don’t have the resources at the current moment. I’m 34, and I worked with my father for so bloody long that I wasted a lot of my time slaving away on his behalf. I could have gone back to school, gotten my masters, actually made something of myself, but instead he kept me close, not wanting me to ever do better than him. He’d say it was just because he wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but I’m not an idiot. I know it was all about control.

All of that is beside the point. Tomorrow I’ll get up, go to work, and once again have my lunch ruined by that intern.

\--

I do, just as I expected. Work is normal. Average work load, nothing too outstandingly difficult. It’s not a particularly busy time of year at the moment so I’ll enjoy that while I can. I keep at it for hours, hardly looking at the time, failing to notice my ever increasing hunger. It’s gone 3 before I decide to get up and go to the break room, I realize, this is much later than usual, maybe for once I will actually get to be alone.

 

I enter the break room, and he’s standing there.

What the fuck? Did he wait for me? Did he purposefully wait until now to eat his lunch just to spite me? What is this arsehole’s deal? I give him an incredulous look, and get on with my business as I always do.

“You’re later than usual today.”

His voice is deeper than I expected it to be, and the tone sounds a bit nervous. He’s unsure of himself. Speaking to me is worrying him. I enjoy that detail. I nod, get my things from the fridge and continue heating them up in silence as usual. I can feel that he wants to say more, but I hope that he doesn't I really don’t have any interest in starting a conversation with him. It’s merely a matter of time before he gets the hint and stops bothering me anyway, surely...

“Were you busy? I was busy. I actually didn’t have time to eat until now either.”

I let out a quiet laugh, I don’t believe that for one second. What could a stupid intern possibly have been that busy with anyway? And why the hell is he talking to me. It was annoying enough when we were silent, now he’s got to throw conversation into the mix, too? Typical. It always gets worse, I should have realized this by now.

 

 

“Look, I don’t know what your deal is, or why you’re even here in the first place. I know HR did a background check on you. You shouldn’t even be here.”

His cheeks flush red at that, I feel satisfied. He goes back to eating his lunch. It doesn’t look bad, perhaps he lives with someone that cooks for him. I honestly can’t picture him standing in front of the stove and making himself something.

His body language after my insult actually does wonders at making me feel guilty, even though I try my hardest not to let it. I sit down across from him in my usual spot and start to eat.

“I was busy. Yes. Incredibly so. Almost as busy as you are annoying.”

He frowns and continues to quietly eat. It’s moments like these that I realize how terrible I am at making friends. It’s convenient that I have no interest in that sort of thing. I hardly have time to eat, let alone keep up with friends.

Phasma is my friend. She’s all I really need. When she got deployed overseas I was a little upset to see her go, but we talk often enough to where I can stave off being lonely. I’m looking forward to telling her all about this.

“What’s your name?”

He looks surprised at my question. His eyes go a bit wide, they’re brown, but not in the normal boring-brown kind of way. They almost have a tint of yellow in them. His lips are also incredibly pink and he occasionally smacks them when he chews. Yet another detail about him that drives me insane.

“Ren. Ren Solo”

“Ren? What kind of name is that?”

“The kind of name I have.” He says this very seriously, almost like it’s an acceptable answer to my question, and not a smart ass comment. This man obviously doesn’t have too much experience interacting with people.

“Well, everyone around here calls me by my last name, which is Hux. So…”

“Nice to finally meet you, Hux.”

He says it strangely, almost like he’s testing it out on his tongue. It sounds weird. I hate it. I want him to shut up and continue eating with his too-pink lips. Preferably without the smacking.

“Yes, same to you. I’m CFO here. I work down the hallway. First office on the right.”

“I know.”

“Oh well if you know so much, perhaps I should just stop talking.”

“No. Don’t.” He says that as if it’s enough to keep me talking, and for some bloody stupid idiotic reason, it is.

“I’ve been here for three years, and am highly respected around here so you should remember that.”

He just looks at me with those stupid brown eyes and shrugs his shoulders.

“Not respected enough to get to go out to lunch with Snoke? Or eat in your office.”

Now it’s my turn to blush, I can feel it creep all the way to my ears. Goddamn my complexion for always giving me away. I clear my throat and carry on. Pretending I didn’t just hear my insubordinate insult me in such a way. I got the privilege to go out to lunch sometimes, but only usually when my father was visiting.

He and Snoke were old business friends, so my father showed his face every now and again, unfortunately. Snoke really didn’t understand the relationship between us, so he would always invite me along. (Or maybe he did know, and he was just particularly cruel in that way. I wasn’t sure). Ren didn’t need to know any of that though.

“We like order here. Eating in the same place that you do your work is messy and impractical. Not to mention unprofessional. Those are the rules. If you want to keep your job, you’ll follow them.”

He just nods, there really isn’t any argument to be had with that, and both of us know this. By this point, he’s finished with his lunch. He must have had a slight head start while waiting for me to arrive. I always hate when he finishes first and beats me to the coffee machine. It takes him bloody ages for to prepare his coffee, taking his sweet time adding cream and sugar, testing it to make sure it’s right, adding more cream when it isn’t. Everything he does feels slow and labored to me, like he’s trying really hard not to knock something over, or drop something. It bothers me.

I watch him out of my peripheral vision as he goes to the sink, rinses off the plastic container his food was in, and goes to the coffee machine. He pours the black liquid into the mug. It’s the one I normally use and I am livid of course, but I say nothing. It’s just a mug, something meaningless and stupid and I need to get over it right fucking now. I’m the true adult here.

I half expect for him to reach for the creamer afterwards as he usually does. But instead, he grabs a pack of sugar, the turbinado kind, the same kind I always use, and pours it carefully into the mug, as if it’s the most important thing in the world. After stirring it carefully, he brings it over to me, sets it down next to me on the table, and then leaves the break room without saying a word.

I look at the cup of coffee like it’s my mortal enemy. Perhaps he poisoned it? I certainly didn’t notice him slipping anything extra into it. Was this some sort of trick? He didn’t even bother getting a cup for himself, why did he bother making a coffee for me?

Confused, I take my dirty container and rinse it in the sink before grabbing the stupid mug of coffee and taking it back to my office. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone quite so infuriatingly difficult to understand. For weeks now, we’ve sat in silence and ate our lunches. I would have honestly been fine for that to continue, although I really did hope he would eventually grow tired of it and back down. Yet here I am at my desk with a coffee he made for me.

I let it cool for a while, and then decide I might as well take a sip. I’m exhausted, and there really isn’t much point in wasting a perfectly good cup of coffee. I press the cup to my lips and to my honest-to-goodness dissatisfaction...

...It’s perfect.

He made it perfect. Almost better than I might have had he given me the chance to do it myself. I don’t like too much sugar in my coffee, just enough to take the bitterness away. My father always got on my case for not drinking it black, I just never could stomach it.

I close my eyes and continue to sip the coffee. I can picture him now, with the sugar packet, pouring it out so careful. He’s watched me make my coffee before. He’s taken notice of something I do so seriously to the point that he has recreated it perfectly. For a while, I find it hard to wrap my head around. Nobody ever takes anything I do into that much consideration. Why would they? Nothing I do is ever really worth anyone’s time.

I spend the rest of my day in my office, trying my hardest not to think of bloody stupid Ren and his bloody stupid perfect coffee. When I get home tonight, I’ll call Phasma. Maybe she’ll have some sage wisdom to give me.

\--

I arrive home, feed Millicent. She’s my cat, I can’t believe I forgot to mention her until now. She’s literally the only creature in a 300 mile radius that gives a shit about me. And I’m quite sure she only gives a shit about me because I feed her. I love her all the same.

I step out on the balcony for a smoke, and grab my phone as well. I’m not in the same time zone as Phasma. She’s 10 hours ahead of me, But that just means I have to call her at 8 pm, right when she wakes up and is getting ready for her morning exercises. She doesn’t usually mind bringing me along. I exhale smoke and dial her number.

It rings, once, twice, three times...

“Good evening General”

“Good morning Captain.. Getting ready to start your day?” We had given each other these nicknames when we used to play soldiers as children and they had forever stuck.

I grew up on the same street as Phasma, living just a few doors down. I often escaped to her house when my parents would argue and sometimes just to get away from my father when he was in a bad mood. Phasma was always there, always ready to defend me, or protect me, from whatever trouble had bothered me that day. She was confident and strong, I was quiet and observant. We made a good team. My parents always thought I’d eventually marry her, but both of us had very different plans.

“Yes, just going to do some of my normal exercises. I’m not too busy. How are you?”

“Awful.”

“Right to the point as usual I see. What’s the problem now? Your Father come to visit again?”

“No, actually. It’s not my father for once. There’s a new intern at work, and he’s driving me absolutely insane. I wish I could get him fired somehow. He always shows up in the break room and pesters me during lunch. We haven’t spoken a word to each other until today, and I wish it had stayed that way to be quite honest.”

I hear Phasma laugh softly through the phone, “Making friends I see! It’s been awhile since you’ve done that. How are you going to survive?”

“Yes yes, well I’d prefer if I didn’t have to do it at all.”

“So what did he say? You should be nice to those poor interns. They come and go so quickly don’t they? I remember the last one, he didn’t last long”

“Yes, they usually fall off the radar quite quickly. But there’s something about this one. I think he’ll be around for a while” I sigh, taking another drag of the cigarette.

“Are you smoking?”

“Of course.”

“That’s bad for you , you know. You should stop.”

I roll my eyes. Phasma was always overly concerned for my wellbeing. She was probably the only one.

“He made me coffee. After lunch. He went to the machine and made me a cup of fucking coffee.”

“You make it sound like he did this maliciously? What..did he put laxative in it or something?”

“No. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. You don’t even know how to make my coffee for me properly. You always made it too sweet.”

“Hey! See if you ever get me to make you a coffee again now. Though it doesn’t seem like I’ll need to with your new friend around.” I can hear her smile from the other side of the bloody world.

“He’s not my friend. He’s an enemy. An enemy that’s trying to confuse me with coffee.”

“Hm...I think you should reevaluate that idea, my dear General.. Maybe you should just accept this kindness that’s been offered to you.”

“Yeah well. I think he should probably just leave me alone before he realizes what I’m like.”

“I know what you’re like. And here I am, on the phone with you, from a world away.”

“Yes but--”

“No, no buts. This intern is being friendly. You should welcome it. Don’t be so bitter about everything all the time. Life is too short to act that way, General”

I sigh and go quiet for a moment, Phasma takes this as an opportunity to continue.

“Look, just because the world has been quite cruel to you in the past, doesn’t mean it has to continue to be that way now. Keep your chin up General. I always liked your smile better than that godawful frown.”

“...Thank you Phasma. I suppose we’ll just have to see what happens. It’s not like I can exactly avoid him. I’ll see him every day whether I want to or not.”

“Yes well, play nice. You never know.” I can hear someone speaking to her faintly in the distance, probably calling her away. “ -- I’m terribly sorry but I have to go. Training is starting a bit earlier today. I’ll talk to you soon alright?”

“Alright, be safe. Have a Good day Captain”

“Same to you, Goodnight General”

 

The phone goes quiet. I wasn’t quite finished with the conversation, but I understand that Phasma is very busy. It must be nice, to have such a purpose like that. I thought I had a purpose too, but now I’m not so sure. It all seems quite pointless from where I sit at my desk, in my office, in that building.

I wonder what Ren is up to now. If he lives alone, or with someone. Perhaps some family, or friends? He doesn’t seem like he has many based on the way he acts. I light up another cigarette and open the door so Millicent can join me. She likes it out on the balcony, and tells me this by rubbing up against my legs as I look out into the distance, pondering my entire stupid life all in one single thought. I reach down and scratch her head affectionately.

Each day brings something new, something bad usually, but Phasma is right, there’s no reason for that to continue. My bad luck streak will have to end eventually, maybe even soon. I hope so. I could use a small amount of happiness to keep me going.

Maybe Ren will annoy me at lunch tomorrow. Maybe he’ll bring something that smells disgusting and stink up the break room like he’s done a few times. Maybe he’ll smack his lips when he chews, and look at me with those stupid brown eyes.

 

 Maybe, when he’s finished bothering me...he’ll make me a cup of coffee.

...and maybe it will be perfect once again.


	3. Ren - Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren meets someone new. Hux forgets to bring his lunch.

If you’re wondering why I made him that coffee, I really don’t know the answer myself. It just sort of felt like a good idea at the time, but now that I’m sitting at my desk worrying about it? Maybe it wasn’t such good idea after all. He probably poured it out or just left it on the table. Maybe I’ll go check to see if it’s still there. I don’t really want to run into him again - I’ll try and forget about it. Impossible, but I can try. I hope I made his coffee right. I think I did. I’ve watched him do it enough, but it’s difficult to tell. Quiet, brain.

  
He looked tired and had worked through his usual lunch time, he myst have been really busy. It had been so late in the day by the time he showed up. I figured making him some coffee might be a nice gesture. Not a peace offering of course, I’m still going to show up at lunch with him every day. Honestly, I had been pretty busy myself but still watched the break room all day, past the lunch rush, and past our usual eating time. I was surprised to see no Hux. So I waited until he showed up.  
  
I had convinced myself that my need to wait for him came from my desire to annoy him. He thought he was safe showing up so much later, and I was going to ruin his plan.  
  
In actuality, I wanted to see him for more than that. Maybe I’m just a creature of habit. I don’t like change. Eating with him is the usual now and I don’t want to break that pattern.

When I get home that night, Rey is on the couch and she’s got company.

It’s Finn, her boyfriend. I really don’t mind the guy all that much.They’re not usually around for long. They’ll eventually head over to Finn’s apartment and leave me in peace. I think I make them uncomfortable, which is fine with me. That’s always an easy way to get people to keep a distance, make them uncomfortable and they won’t stick around. I use that tactic a lot actually. He’s never done anything in particular to upset me, but I guess I just sort of see Rey as a little sister at times and my protective brother instinct likes to kick in whenever Finn is around.

I wonder if Rey would feel similarly if I ever brought home Hux. I also wonder why I’m thinking of Hux in such a way.

It’s a stupid thought. When Hux opens his mouth it’s like his words are daggers. I’ve never met anyone in my life with such a mean bite to their tongue. I hope that eventually he’ll ease up on that a bit.

As I walk through the door I nod at Rey and ignore Finn’s wave as I walk inside, kick my shoes off and head to my room. Right now, I just want to be alone. I’m confused as to why the act of making Hux coffee has rattled me so, and I know Rey will ask me about him if she’s given the chance.

  
The night passes by without much excitement. I eventually eat when Rey and Finn disappear. I’m tired, and tomorrow will likely be busy, it’s best if I get an early night. I can’t help but look forward to seeing Hux again. It’s been a long time since I was excited to see anyone…

\--

  
All day I work away, counting down the hours until lunch time. I hear the other employees messing around in the break room and a small amount of anxiety creeps into my stomach when I think of seeing Hux again. The hour is approaching.

  
But to my disappointment, he doesn’t show up for lunch at all, and when I walk by his office, just to see if he’s in there, he’s not. Did he not come to work today? Is he sick? Is everything okay? Did I kill him with my coffee? No. Of course not.

  
I round the corner and head back to my desk, but I am pulled out of my thoughts by Snoke, who calls me into the conference room to meet someone. The man inside has Red hair, similar to Hux’s, and he carries himself a bit like Hux too. Proud, confident, but I can tell this man has a bit more of that than Hux does.

That’s why I like Hux I think. He has lots of confidence, something I have very little of. Even though he’s quite mean I think he’s slightly insecure about something as well. Maybe just because I am, I can see other people’s insecurities. It’s not a big deal, I don’t usually point them out, and in Hux’s case, I think they make him a bit more interesting. Stop thinking about Hux and get back to reality.

  
The man looks at me with eyes so cold, I instantly feel the temperature around me drop a bit, my palms are sweaty.

  
“Ren, meet Brendol Hux of Arkanis Incorporated, he’s been a good friend of mine for many years. “ He turns to Brendol “This is Ren, our newest hire. He’s been doing wonders for us.”

  
Hux. Brendol Hux. This is my Hux’s father….it suddenly all falls into place. I manage a small smile and shake his hand. I hope he doesn’t notice how clammy they are.

  
“It’s nice to meet you Ren.” He smiles, but I can tell it’s fake. It doesn’t reach his cold blue eyes. Everything about him feels rigid and empty, like there’s no real feeling behind any of his actions. “My son left my company a few years ago to join up here. I’m sure you’ve met him.” It’s like he somehow knows I have a fascination with his son...I fight every urge I have to blush at the mention of my Hux. There is no reason for blushing, It’s not like I have feelings for him. Brendol is simply telling me about his son. But I know already, I know about his son. I spent most of last night laying in bed and thinking about him actually.

  
“Now that we’ve had our introductions.” He pauses, looks at me from where he sits, annoyingly suave at the conference room table. “Would you please fetch me a cup of coffee? I take it black.”

Snoke looks up at me expectantly, and it takes everything in me not to say no and walk away. I’m not some low-rate secretary tasked with delivering people their coffee. I was an intern, sure, but I had never been a waiter for visiting assholes.

  
Unable to say no to his request, I go to the kitchen, fetch a cup of coffee and fantasize briefly about spitting into it. I hate the way making Brendol’s coffee reminds me of the way I made Hux’s yesterday, though I do it with about a third of as much care. I wish I could make take some coffee to Hux right now. I wonder if he’s tired wherever he is, or if he needs it. He probably never wants to see me again at all.

  
I finish my task, annoyed at the situation. Brendol probably doesn't even want this cup of fucking coffee. He just wanted to make someone do something for him. All these business assholes were the same, I was starting to realize. It was all a game to see how much they could squeeze the life out of the people around them, bleed them dry of resources. Meetings were only ever an opportunity to piece together how you could best use someone. It was reality, and something I really hadn’t noticed or thought about until becoming a part of this world myself.

  
I return to the conference room and set the cup of coffee down in front of Brendol. He says nothing in return, and I decide it’s probably best if I take my leave. I briefly wonder if perhaps this is the reason why Hux isn’t here today. If his father makes me feel so uneasy...I can only imagine how he must feel to Hux. Brendol stops me before I leave, “Be a good lad and make a few copies of this for us, would you?” I look at Snoke who says nothing, and once again find myself fighting an urge to take the stack of papers out of Brendol’s hands and scatter them across the floor. I had plenty of work of my own I needed to be doing, and interruptions like this would only make me have to stay late.

  
So I take the papers, scan them and make copies as I had been asked to do, feeling slightly defeated that this man I had only just met had so much control over me. He was not a nice man, this was obvious. If Hux had left his company to work here, I’m sure there was a very good reason. I hope Hux is at work tomorrow, I almost want to ask him about all of this, but that probably isn’t the best idea.

  
I take the stack of paper, hot from the printer and put them on the table, once again, I receive no thanks for my work. Snoke and Brendol are talking about some nonsense I don't’ understand, and neither of them acknowledge me at all as I deliver the copies and leave the room.

  
This whole situation leaves me feeling quite anxious. Meeting Hux’s father hadn’t been something I expected to have to do today, and I was feeling a bit disappointed that I hadn’t been able to see Hux at all. It made me feel like I was losing whatever small amount of closeness I had to him. I think, if he returns tomorrow, I’ll make him coffee again. Even if he doesn’t drink it, I really don’t care. I think the gesture is nice...I think he liked it…

  
The rest of the day passes by.. When Brendol Hux leaves, he doesn’t say goodbye, even though he has to pass right by me on his way out the door. I watch him go, feeling the air around me chill a bit as he walks by. No wonder Hux was always so stoic and icy, if that was his father, it all made sense.

  
I had come to the conclusion that Brendol Hux’s appearance at the office simply had to do with Hux not coming into work today. Maybe he was sick, maybe I was overthinking things as usual. I did have a bad habit of doing that, but sometimes I was right. I think I’m right in this case anyway. I understand having a tense relationship with family members. I never really fit into my family, and I’m curious as to whether or not Hux and I share that too. Maybe we share more things than I first realized. That would be nice, having things in common with someone? Especially things like that…

  
When I finally get home from work, Rey is on the balcony watering her plants. She loves to keep cacti and other small plants out there, and cares for them like they’re each a little child. I think they even have names, but I don’t really pay attention. I decide to sit with her, at least for a bit until I tire of social interaction, which probably won’t be that long.

  
“Hey!” Her face lights up when she sees me. “Welcome home” She smiles sweetly and continues her watering. “How was your day? You look as grumpy as usual.”

  
“Well thanks. And you look like a lazy college kid. As usual.”  
She smiles and rolls her eyes. “What’s up with you? Didn’t get to see your friend today?”

  
“How do you always know?”

  
“Oh...well I don’t really, it was just a lucky guess. Is that it?” She looks proud of herself, like figuring me out is something she’s been practicing.

  
“No, he wasn’t there today. Weirdly enough, his father was though.”

  
“His father? Does he work for the company too?”

  
“No, he’s at a different company and was just visiting to discuss something with my boss. I think maybe that’s why Hux wasn’t there.”

  
“Hux? Is that his name?”

  
“His last name...yes…I don’t know his first name. He hasn’t told me.”

  
“But you’ve actually talked to him now? At least enough to get a last name.”

  
“Yes. At lunch yesterday. He was late, but I waited for him.” She looks at me a little funny when I say that, I wonder if I did or said something strange.

  
“And?”

  
“And that’s it. We talked. Nothing really happened. ...I made him coffee”

  
“You made him coffee? That was sweet of you.”

  
“Yeah well….I’ve seen him do it enough to know what he likes in it. It wasn’t that big of a deal”

  
“Good first steps anyway. Sorry he wasn’t there today though. Chin up, you’ll see him tomorrow.”

  
“Not that I care either way”

  
“Right” She smiles a bit too knowingly and continues to water her plants.

  
“I’m going inside now.” I’ve had enough chatter for the day, and the memory of Brendol Hux still makes the air around me coder, even out here on the warm, sunny balcony.

  
“No wait, don’t go. I like talking to you. Tell me about your day? I had class as usual, nothing too exciting. Finn and I are going to see a movie later, it just came out and he won’t stop talking about how much he wants to see it.”

  
That was all lovely and great and wonderful, but I really fucking wanted to go inside. No offense to Rey who seemed to genuinely want my company. I was hungry and I wanted to think about everything in peace and quiet“....yeah I’m going inside..”

  
“Wait...Ben….before you go. Just know that you’re doing really well okay? At work...it must be a little scary having a job for the first time like that. You’re handing it really well.”

  
Hearing this from her does make me feel better, even If I don’t want to let it. It’s sweet, and I can tell she really does care. She’s not saying this to fill some sort of kindness quota she’s given herself, she really means to praise me. “Thanks.I’m going to make dinner. You can have some if it’s done before you leave for your movie.”

  
“Perfect, I can’t wait to try it.”

  
I go inside and head to the kitchen. Cooking is always something I’ve done to help myself calm down after stressful situations. I like feeling productive, and having meals to eat isn’t a bad side effect of that either. Tonight will be something simple, pasta maybe...something that I can take to work with me for lunch since I’m out of what I had been taking before.

  
I add all the necessary ingredients and prepare the meal accordingly, adding additional things here and there as I feel necessary. Recipes are just rules too, I like breaking them, I like seeing what I can do to improve on them and make them better. Things shouldn’t be consistent all the time. I don’t like change, but variety isn’t necessarily bad.

  
Rey ends up having to leave before I’m done preparing dinner. She apologizes a hundred times on the way out the door, I tell her it’s fine of course, she feels more guilty about it than I care at all. She can try some tomorrow, it really doesn’t matter to me at all.

  
I eat until I’m full, put the rest in containers and spend the rest of my night thinking about my day. As always, my mind doesn’t want to shut up. Falling asleep has always been difficult, and tonight proves to be no different than usual. I close my eyes and hope tomorrow is a better day.

  
\--

  
Hux is back, to my apparent excitement. It’s been awhile since I’ve been excited about anything, so the feeling is foreign, but welcome. I only know this because I saw him walk by, it isn’t time for lunch yet, but I’ll wait patiently for that occasion. I work and work and complete all my duties, running back and forth between Snoke’s office and my cubicle. I wish the route I took caused me to walk past Hux’s office, but it would make very little sense for me to do this.

  
At around 2, I head into the kitchen at the usual time, Hux is there of course, but he looks a bit upset at himself. When he sees me, he frowns. This isn’t because of me, something else is bothering him.

  
“Miss me yesterday?”

  
“Yes actually”

  
“Well I’m back, It’s /lovely/ to see you... And I forgot my lunch at home today, so that’s just great. I’m going back to work.”

  
“Wait. No. Just...have some of mine? I brought extra actually. It’s just pasta, you can have some.” I fetch the container from the fridge, he looks hesitant but he must be hungry if he hasn’t eaten anything all day.

  
Hux doesn’t look convinced. I can tell he’s someone that doesn’t like to take favors from others. I’m sure he’s worried about owing me something, but that isn’t how I work.

“Look, I don’t care how much you hate me. Just take some food, okay? You have to eat.”

I throw the food into the microwave, and he sits down at the table. Good. He’s not going back to his desk, so that’s a start. I contemplate bringing up his father, though I’m not really sure if that’s the best idea at the moment, considering I hardly got him to stay.

  
“Are you feeling better?” Smooth Ren, just what everyone wants to hear from their coworkers when they get back. Questions about their absence.

  
“Yes, thank you. Now I’m just hungry.”Hux conveys nothing extra with this statement at all.

  
“Well. I can fix that.”

  
When the microwave beeps letting me know the food is done, I pull it out and dish it into two bowls. I give Hux slightly more than I give myself, and set it on the table in front of him before sitting down,too. He looks at it like it’s the most disgusting thing in the world, but I think that just might be his permanent face. He never really looks happy. I wonder what he looks like when he smiles.

  
He spoons some of the pasta into his mouth, chews, and swallows “What...did your mother make this or something?”

  
I shake my head, “No, I made it. I always make my own food.”

  
“Oh.” He sounds surprised. I guess he didn’t expect me to have any sort of cooking talent. Maybe I do have a few tricks up my sleeve after all.

  
“It’s good. I appreciate this. I was much hungrier than I thought.”

  
“You’re welcome...I get grumpy when I haven’t eaten. You’re already grumpy so..that would be bad.”

  
For the first time, I earn myself a Hux smile. He chuckles softly to himself and wipes his mouth on a napkin. “Yes well, you’d like me even less if I was hungry.”

  
“I think I'd like you just fine...regardless.”  
He stops for a moment, like my words struck something inside of him. Good I suppose. If the fact that I like to be around him is surprising to him in a way, that’s better than a negative reaction. He could get angry, or upset at this, but he doesn’t.

  
“Were you really sick yesterday?”

  
“No.”

  
“I met your father. Snoke called me into the meeting. He demanded coffee.”

Now Hux’s demeanor changes entirely. His shoulders fall a bit and the way he spoons the food into his mouth is a bit more slow and sad. “.....that sounds about right. Yes, He visits every now and again. I’d rather not be around when he does.”

  
“So you weren’t sick, you were just avoiding your father?”

  
“I didn’t say that”

  
I nod in understanding, “Well I did actually miss you. It feels strange eating alone. I would rather make you coffee than get coffee for him anyday.”

  
A blush spreads across Hux’s cheeks. “About that. You’re creepy. Nobody has ever been able to get my coffee down right. But you did. I don’t really know how you figured it out. But good job I suppose.”

  
“....Sorry if I’m creepy...I just wanted to do something nice for you for once.”  
It was probably one of the most honest things I’ve ever said. That’s really all I wanted - to do something nice for him. I felt the need to after being purposefully annoying at lunch every day for almost 3 weeks at this point.

  
For just a brief moment, Hux doesn’t seem as cold as usual...the way he looks at me almost feels warm.  
“...It was nice. Thank you.”

I nod, smiling softly, and we finish our lunch in silence. It’s a comfortable silence, not a forced one, and it’s nice to just be able to relax in someone else’s company without feeling the need to talk. When he’s finished, I take his dirty dishes to the sink and place them there, then head over to the coffee machine.

Just as before, I pour the coffee into the mug, but I realize I’m not entirely sure how much sugar Hux might want today. I need to see his face, how tired he looks. I go over to him, bend down, and look him in the eyes. He looks back, obviously confused as to what I’m doing. I get the information I need and return to my task, pouring just a bit more sugar into the mug than last time.

I can feel Hux’s eyes on me, and once again, I feel warm. He knows this coffee is for him this time, and I know that it made him happy, and that he thought it was nice. It was worth it after all.

“Thank you...” He looks up at me with his pretty blue eyes when I set the coffee down in front of him.

“You’re welcome...I hope you have a good day...maybe sometime..we could go out afterwards? Maybe...grab some dinner?” My face feels hot as these words slide out my mouth, I wonder where they come from. They don’t really feel like my own.

Hux blushes a bit too, and nods. “Yes, just not tonight, I have...things to do at home, but maybe another time?” I nod and feel slightly disappointed he wants to wait a bit, but I’m sure he has good reasons.

“Another day, yes. I have to get back to work, I’ll see you..?”  
“Tomorrow, I’ll be here. Don’t worry, you won’t have to miss me again for a little while.....I know when my Father is coming to visit.”

“Tell me next time......if you want company playing hookie?”

“You really want to spend time with me, don’t you?” Now I really feel my cheeks heat up in a blush. I didn’t mean to sound so desparate.

“I...Uh....I don’t know about that...” I struggle to find the right words to say.

“Yes well, soon. We will, I promise. I have some big deadlines coming up and I need to focus on those. But afterwards..we’ll get dinner, okay?”

That outcome really isn’t all that terrible. I wish I could spend time with him today, or sooner than whenever “soon” might be, but this was a start. For once, I actually felt like I was making progress.

“Okay..have a good day. Enjoy your coffee.”

“Don’t worry. I will” and off he goes, back to his office and out of sight. Though out of sight and out of mind fails to apply here.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Hux - Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A favor, an assignment, a request, and a sticky note.

Ren had met my Father. That was fine. I simply hated being around the man. I hated what he did to our family, I hated what he did to me. Nothing good ever came out of being around him, so I avoided him. It was that simple. Ren had figured that out quite quickly, and I cursed Snoke for introducing them to each other so soon.

I wonder if Snoke had noticed his intern had taken a particular liking to me. I hadn’t really seen any proof of this, but that logic didn’t always qualm my anxieties. Our meetings at lunch every day were way below the CEO’s eye. It was safe to conclude that as far as he was concerned, we hardly knew each other.

Knowing that my Father was in town always knocks me off my feet a bit. He doesn’t visit often, sometimes leaving weeks in between, but I always know that he’ll come back sooner or later. He’ll never leave me alone. Taking a day off had messed up my schedule a bit, and I had idiotically forgotten my lunch at home.

Ren had been my knight in shining armor all over again. First with the coffee, and now a second time when he provided me with lunch. He hadn’t needed to do that at all, and I know for a fact I wouldn’t have done the same for him. No, I would have ordered him to sit and watch me happily devour my own lunch, not sharing a bite. I probably would have dropped some on the floor, just to test Ren and see how desperate he was to eat.

Despicable. I’m despicable. But who do I have to blame for that?

I think what surprised me more than the action of sharing his food itself, was how good it actually was. I hadn’t expected it to taste like anything at all, but I must admit it was delicious. Is everything he brings that good? I’ll have to start forgetting my lunch more often.

Yesterday I worked for the rest of the day and ended up having to stay late. While doing this, I thought long and hard about why I had denied Ren’s request to spend time together so quickly. I was a private person that was nervous about opening myself up to someone. It was something I had never done before. I had been far too preoccupied with working to take any romantic interest in anyone, and I was very guarded with who I gave my heart too.

In the past, I had spent too long giving it to the wrong people - my Father, who was merely using me as a tool to make money, and my Mother, who only stayed with my Father because of that money. Nothing either of them did was ever out of love, for that I am sure. She was disinterested in me from the beginning which made me cling to my Father all the more. If only I could have seen my father’s flaws as quickly as I had seen my mother’s. I had simply made too many mistakes to risk throwing myself at someone so completely. That being said, Ren was still frequently the topic of my thoughts.

Ever since he made me the cup of coffee I had started developing a strange kind of fondness towards him. He was 4 years younger than me and far more inexperienced at work. I found out he hadn’t attended college out of purely not wanting to and I know he’s got something on his criminal record, but he won’t open up to me about it yet. Which is fine. I won’t pry. We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of.

Now I know he likes to cook, which is charming in a sense. I’m not sure why. It’s just not exactly something I expected him to be good at. I like when people surprise me. It’s not often that they can. I usually get a good read on someone’s personality after spending very little time with them, but Ren isn’t like that. Even after eating lunch with him every single day, he still manages to surprise me.

Ren and I had only known each other for a little over a month now, and I already feel such a strange attachment to him. It’s almost terrifying. I worry that I’ve finally lost my mind. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

\--

The rest of the week is actually too incredibly busy for either of us to do anything but chat and eat during lunch.

Over the weekend, I spend my time trying to push my mind as far away from work as possible. For the first time, I notice that I don’t have Ren’s personal cell phone number, and this strikes me as odd considering how close we had gotten over the past month. I would have to fix that. I did owe him a dinner after all.

My mind wanders to Ren briefly, curious as to what he does on the weekends. Probably nothing, similarly to me, weekends were a time to rewind and recharge. The more void of activity they were, the better. A weekend just relaxing with Ren would probably be quite nice. I scold myself mentally for even entertaining the thought.

\--

I actually take notice of the time Ren arrives in the morning, and I worry when he’s late. It’s strange, because I don’t typically worry about anyone but myself. On Monday, He’s much later than usual. An odd occurrence. He’s usually quite on time, which is yet another thing about him that surprises me. There’s something about the messy way he carries himself that seems anything but punctual.

When I pass by his desk in the morning for my first cup of coffee he isn’t there. Maybe he’s taking a day off. I wonder if my past absence had confused him as much as his did for me today. It felt odd, not knowing if I was going to get to see him today.

However, see him at lunch. I wasn’t completely convinced that he would show and I’m somewhat relieved when I see him sitting there at the table. He looks absolutely exhausted, one hand massaging his temple, his plain black tie crooked and uneven.

“What the hell happened to you?”

My voice makes him jump a bit, and I resist the urge to chuckle as he tries to regain his composure. “Nothing, I’m just. I’m tired. It happens sometimes. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

I didn’t always sleep well either, but I never came to work looking like I had crawled here on my hands and knees.

“Have some coffee or something. You look like shit.”

“I’ve had four cups today. It’s not going to make a difference.”

He heats his lunch up in the microwave, dishing up a small amount on the side for me to try. He tells me that it’s a new recipe and he wants to know what I think. It tastes great, but I give him an honest answer and suggest improvements. He seems to appreciate this. I heat my lunch up as well and we eat quietly. He’s just too tired to even manage a conversation with me at this point and I understand.

“You know..I have a couch in my office. You could put your head down for a bit. Snoke won’t be back until 4 at least. You could rest for an hour.”

Before I had come into the break room for lunch, I had conveniently checked the calendar to see what was happening in the office today. Snoke was out, as were a few of the other managers. They were attending some event somewhere and I hadn’t been invited, not that I really cared. That was beside the point.

He looks up at me like I just offered him a glass of water after he had been wandering in the desert for days, which isn’t exactly the reaction I would have expected. Ren really didn’t like people offering him help. I had noticed this a few times. He doesn't like giving in and expects the same sort of commitment from everyone else. But right now he looks like a puppy who was just promised a treat.

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“I just offered it to you didn’t I? I can’t take it back now. Plus, I owe you one for feeding me the other day. It’s only fair.”

Ren suddenly looks much less exhausted. It’s almost as if my offering to him made him feel better deeper than surface level.

“You could get in trouble. What if someone sees.”

“Nobody will see. You can just come in. I’ll shut the door. I can do that sometimes and nobody thinks twice of it. Especially when Snoke isn’t here.”

He nods, forking his food into his mouth sleepily and finishing it off. I wonder what could possibly have caused him to not sleep to the point of this exhaustion, but figure asking right away probably isn’t appropriate. We’ll save that for another day.

We both finish our lunches and Ren takes our dishes to the sink.

Now he’s standing at the coffee pot, making my coffee as usual. He doesn’t look at me when he says this, just continues on pouring the perfect amount of sugar in and stirring it delicately. “I just get these really bad dreams sometimes?...I don’t know why. When I have them I feel like I haven’t slept so..” He shrugs his shoulders slightly, then turns and places the coffee in front of me on the table. “It’s not a big deal. But..I would appreciate a nap.”

The idea that I had harbored such negative feelings for the person standing next to me seemed ludicrous at the current moment. Ren’s act of kindness: with sharing his lunch and making me coffee had softened me so, and now it was my chance to give Ren something in return.

“That settles it then, come on.”

I take him to my office and make sure nobody sees as he walks inside first. I close the door and we are out of sight. Even if someone saw him walk into my office before shutting the door, they would just assume we were working on something confidential. It wouldn’t seem strange.

My office isn’t large, but I have a nice view out to the city below. My desk sits against this window, and there is a couch on the opposite wall and a small coffee table for when I have to entertain clients. There is a dry bar in the corner.

He stands there awkwardly, surveying my room. I can tell he’s trying to take it all in. His tired eyes scan the wall where my various awards, diplomas and certifications are displayed over where the couch sits.

“Go on then...there’s the couch, get comfortable. I’ll wake you up in an hour.”

He nods and shuffles over to the couch, perching on the edge briefly before laying down. He’s a bit too big for it but manages to get comfortable relatively quickly, and it isn’t long at all before he’s out like a light.

I try to do my work as he sleeps next to me, but I find myself quite distracted by his resting features. The permanent crease in his brow is gone, he looks younger, sweeter. I wish it didn’t leave a strange hollow feeling in my chest. I’ll wake him up in an hour like I promised, but I think I will find it quite difficult to ruin such a pleasant site. He never looks that peaceful when he’s awake.

I sip the coffee he made me after lunch, which is perfect as always. If I was to have to make it myself at this point, I’m not sure I’d get it quite as right as he does.

Doing my very best to be quiet, I continue to work through the stack of paperwork that has been slowly growing taller on my desk. The hour passes by much faster than both Ren and I would like. Snoke will be back soon, and would probably be a bit suspicious as to why Ren was sleeping on my office couch. I certainly don’t want to draw any negative attention to either of us. Getting fired is not an option.

So I approach him on the couch and gently shake his shoulder, his eyes open slowly and he looks around confused. It doesn’t take him long to regain his composure and he blinks up at me with those soft brown eyes.

“Good morning, Sorry to wake you but I can’t have you sleeping any longer. Snoke and the others will be back soon.”

“No, It’s fine. Thank you” He rubs his sleepy eyes as he sits up. Deep down inside of me, I truly I wish I could just lock the door, say fuck it all and let him sleep off his exhaustion. But I can’t, we both have to get back to work, and that’s just the way it has to be.

Before he opens the door and steps outside into the office. He turns to me. “I feel much better....thank you...really.”

I manage a small smile and nod.

He sneaks out unnoticed and I get back to my own work. For some ridiculous reason, I can’t get the image of Ren’s sleeping face out of my mind.

At the end of the day, I’m called into Snoke’s office. This isn’t unusual, but I’m not aware of any issues that require my attention that might have drawn Snoke’s eye. So I walk into his office, hoping to find him in one of his better moods. He had been out of the office all day, that was enough to make anyone a bit more cheery right?

“You called for me sir?”

“Ah yes. Please have a seat.” He turns and faces me.

This is either going to go really well, or really badly. Snoke always deals in extremes. I sit, back straight, hands in my lap. The chair is so uncomfortable, but it’s no fault of the furniture - It’s caused by Snoke’s gaze and the way it seems to pierce through you when you’re metaphorically shackled to this seat.

You can never tell what’s going on behind his eyes. He’s nearly impossible to read.

“I was at a meeting today, and ran into your father again. I’ve been working on a very important deal that requires his cooperation.” He says this like he knows whatever comes out of his mouth next will upset me.  
“I know you know longer work for him, but it is part of our agreement for you to accompany him to the showcase conference on the behalf of Arkanis Incorporated. You will give a presentation on the company to some of the most important businessmen in the city. Depending on how well you do, our deal with your father will either succeed or fail.. He believes that having his son present at the conference is the best way to portray the company to the audience. He requested I ask you to do this as a personal favor from me to him.

My face wants to fall but I keep my composure. Image was everything in this world. “I came here to escape him, Sir. I don’t really want to have to fall back into where I wa-”

“Silence. You will go to this conference, you will speak on your Father’s behalf and if you refuse, I will fire you. That is final. You can take two staff members with you. I don’t care who you choose. The company will pay for your stay at a hotel for the nights you have to be away. You have until two weeks to put together your proposal and speech for your father and Arkanis Incorporated. The conference is the weekend after next. You’ll meet up with your father there to go over the specifics. I’m sure you’ll do well and make both of us proud.”

I don’t really care all that much about making either of them that proud. I just have to keep my job.

“Is that all sir?”

“Yes, you are dismissed.”

I stand, glad to almost be free. “...and one more thing...” As I approach the door Snoke speaks up again. I stop and turn to look at him hesitantly. “If anything happens and you ruin this deal. I will ruin you. I will make sure you never find another job in this city. I can make you, or I can destroy you. The choice is yours. Don’t forget that.”

I get chills down my spine as I reach for the door handle, wanting nothing more than to free myself from Snoke’s suffocation. The air outside the office feels clearer, but barely. I need to get out of here. I need to go home.

In desperation, I reach for the silver lining. I can choose two staff members to bring along with me. That means I can bring Ren. It wouldn’t be a bad experience for him as an intern and at this point I honestly can’t imagine leaving him behind. That leaves me one more person, and I suppose the best man for the job would be Mitaka. He works in accounting and I’ve known him for a while. I got him his job and that makes him someone I know I trust, even if he was a bit clumsy and unfortunate at times.

I now had to force a proposal for my Father’s shitty company. A company I basically helped build and got no credit for. A company that could have been mine if I had just played my cards right.  
My father was a horrible man. Arkanis Incorporated seethed with corruption. So I ran, and now I’m here, and once again my father has somehow extended his reach of control over me.

It had come full circle. If I screwed up this conference, if I did anything at all to upset my father...I would lose this job and likely any chance of finding work at someone respectable in the city. Knowing my father and Snoke’s authorities over business in this area, they truly could make me or break me.

I’d have to move. If this fails, if I fail, I’ll have to run again.

By the time I was done with my meeting with Snoke, Ren had already left the office for the night. It was starting to get dark outside. I hate nothing more than leaving work in the dark.

Millicent is upset at me when I get home. I was late and she doesn’t hesitate to tell me as I scoop the food out of the can and into her bowl.

I like it here, in this city, in this apartment. I like my life and my lifestyle. I like what working at First Order Enterprises allows me to achieve, but I can’t help but feel like I’m meant for something more. Perhaps it’s just some stupid dream - a fantasy that I’ll have forever and never act upon. But that doesn’t seem right, does it? At this point, I really feel as though I’m just a tool Snoke keeps around for pleasing my father. Maybe that’s all I ever was.

As usual, I head to the balcony for my after work smoke. The city is lit up in its usual splendor, but as I look across the office buildings, I imagine each and every light representing a person - a person that was trapped like me, like Ren, in an office or a cubicle. Were all of them meant for something more too? Why should I feel special?

I wasn’t special.

\--

Ren is at his desk a bit early the next day, which gives me the chance to slip by and inform him of the part he would play in this stupid plot to get my father to suck Snoke’s dick, win his business and save my career. He looked surprised to see me, I didn’t often visit him at his desk.

“Ren, I need to brief you on something important we’re going to be doing two weeks from now. Not this weekend but next”

“Over the Weekend?”

“Yes, did you have plans? Because they’ve just been canceled.”

“No it’s fine... I didn’t have any plans.” He says this as if him having plans is a ridiculous concept. “What’s going on?”

“I’m being forced to attend this conference and speak on behalf of my father and his company. My father weaseled it into some deal with Snoke and now I have to play nice at the conference or risk losing my job. Anything that upsets my father will ruin this deal and I’ll get sacked so...You’re coming along with me.”

He looks up at me wide eyed, deer in the headlights.  
“You want me to come on this business trip with you?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I want. You and Mitaka will be joining me. I picked you both.”

“You picked me?”

“Yes. We’ll be spending two nights out of town, so please make the necessary packing arrangements. You’ll get a hotel room, as will Mitaka and I. The company pays for it. We’ll leave after work on that Friday prior. It’s a two hour drive.”

“And at this conference, what will my job be?”

“....Moral support, more or less. I don’t mind speaking in front of people....but my father will be watching, and a lot will be riding on how well I do. I’m already quite nervous.” At this current moment I honestly wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say for my proposal and speech. Part of me wondered if any of this was really worth it. Could I take one last stand against my father and ruin this deal on purpose? I’d lose my job, but I’d be free.

“Say no more. I’ll be ready next Friday...Thank you for picking me.”

I give him a look, sigh heavily and hand him the itinerary I prepared for him. It details the conference, when and where everything is, important addresses to know etc. I had come in early this morning to plan all the details out, unable to sleep last night. He takes the paper and holds it in his hands carefully, like it’s golden.

“What are you doing this coming weekend. Do you have plans for that?”

“No, how many of these conferences are there??”

“This isn’t about business.”

“No?... I never have plans. There’s your answer.”

“Well now you do. Come out with me. Or just spend time with me, I don’t care. You don’t seem like the type that likes to go out and be social.”

“I’m not. I wouldn’t mind just hanging out...I’ll come over and make dinner for you?”

“That...sounds alright. Yes. I’ll make sure to have some wine...you bring the ingredients to cook whatever you’re making. ”

He nods, a slight blush on his cheeks..

“I’ll look forward to it.”

I smile softly, “Give me your number. Just send it in an email. I realized I didn’t have it over the weekend and was meaning to ask. I’ll text you my address. ”

He nods and turns a bit too eagerly to his computer to fulfill my request. I almost find it cute. “I won’t be at lunch today. I have to go take care of some company housekeeping things. I’ll be around tomorrow though. Don’t miss me too much. ”

When he turns back to me he looks a bit deflated, like my absence at lunch is actually painful to him in some way. The sad look in his eyes is almost enough to make me feel wanted.

“Let me make you your coffee now. I’ll bring it to your office. Just go. I’ll be right there.”

I hadn’t gotten my morning cup of coffee yet and I was more than happy to take advantage of Ren’s kindness.  
“Alright, thank you Ren.”

I return to my office and sit at my desk. Ren comes in a little while later with my usual mug full of coffee. He sets it down on the table and holds my gaze for a moment. A silent thank you passes from me to him and he turns and leaves afterwards. There’s something about the exchange that makes me shiver, but not in the same way Snoke’s words had done the day before. I pick up the mug and take a sip of Ren’s perfect coffee only then noticing that there’s something stuck to the bottom. It’s a sticky note.

I peel it off and set my coffee down to take a better look. Scribbled in messy handwriting onto the sticky note is a message.

“You’ll do great at the conference. Try not to worry too much. Have a good day and see you tomorrow. -Ren”

I get those strange shivers again.

I take the note and stick it to a piece of paper with a few pieces of tape. I want to keep it, want to look at it at a later time when I need a push, but I don’t want Ren to know that it’s affected me so. I store it in a red folder that’s been empty and purposeless for a while now and file it in my desk drawer. It’s mine now, Ren gave it to me and I’ll keep it safe for when I need it.

This small amount of confidence scribbled messily onto a yellow sticky note is enough to get me through the day and will hopefully be enough to get me through the next two weeks as well. At this point, I can only hope.


	5. Ren - Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The advice, the mistake, and the date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters are getting longer every time! I am so excited to share this story with you guys! I hope you enjoy it! (Also had to bump the rating up for this one -shrugs-)

The sticky note was probably a stupid idea but at this point I feel like every single idea that’s been popping into my head lately has been stupid in some shape or form. Every moment I get to spend with Hux is just a little brighter.I feel like I have a fog in my head most of the time, but during lunches with Hux, and even when I’m just momentarily delivering him a cup of coffee, the fog is blown away.  I don’t feel so cloudy. I won’t get to see him today. I know this, but it still makes me quite sad.

I wonder if this is what falling for someone feels like. It definitely felt like a tumble. It was fast. It caught me off guard. I was feeling things before my brain could even really process what they were, and now here I was, hoping desperately that a sticky note stuck to the bottom of a mug of coffee was going to brighten the sky in Hux’s day too. Hux deserved it. 

I pass through the rest of the work day in my usual fog, doing the motions. I sit on my own at lunch and almost laugh at the idea of how much I wanted to be alone when I first met Hux. In solitude now, I let my mind wander over Hux’s request from this morning.

To be quite honest, I was ridiculously excited about attending the conference with Hux. It would be nice to get away for a little bit, even if the situation seemed a difficult. I didn’t like Brendol Hux when I met him, and I’m slightly concerned about Hux. He definitely doesn’t seem like he wants to have any part of this at all. I want to get a better read on the situation before we go, which makes our date perfectly timed. In order to be the best moral support to Hux, I want to know him a bit better before I follow him to battle to protect him from whatever horrors Brendol will send his way.

Now that I’m at the topic of my date with Hux, it would be a good time to admit that I am actually, absolutely terrified. I have no idea what I should make and even less idea on what I should wear.  I think I’ll have to ask Rey for help, but that just seems so pitiful. I shouldn’t be so foreign to this concept of going on dates, but I was. That was just me. Rey had never questioned me for being myself, so I think it might just be okay. When I get home from work today I’ll ask her.

After lunch, work speeds by and it isn’t long before I’m stepping into the apartment and kicking off my shoes. It’s always such a relief to be home. I go to find Rey to tell her about my day, wanting to get her opinions on the matter. She usually has some overly romantic ideas that might actually come in handy for me now, but the apartment is empty. She must be out with Finn, of course. When I needed her. 

I go into my bedroom and change out of my work clothes, sliding a black t-shirt on over my dark grey boxers. I collapse onto my bed and decide that there’s nothing much better to do at the moment besides take a nap. Getting comfortable was the easy part, shutting my mind down was a bit harder. Today had just been a lot to think about. I had a lot of feelings and emotion and I wasn’t all that sure how to handle them. It was quite stressful suddenly being exposed to so many things. Hux was putting a lot of faith in me, and I was honestly terrified of letting him down. 

I find Hux pretty. Almost delicate in a strange way, and the fact that his personality is anything but delicate makes him all the more desirable. I like his sense of humor. It’s a lot like mine and often at the expense of our coworkers. I like the way he smiles when he laughs at something harder than he means to, because he loses control of his face a bit, which he usually keeps quite solemn. It’s a nice change to see happiness on his features. His lips are so full and pink. When he smiles, I swear he shines. 

These thoughts and feelings about Hux cause a warm sensation to spread through me, and I figure it probably wouldn’t hurt to blow off some steam before I nap. I’ll sleep better that way too. So I close my eyes as my hand moves to the bulge in my boxers and I let my mind wander to Hux. 

I bet he’s beautiful under the suit he wears every day. I want to remove it and kiss his skin. I bet its probably so soft and pale. I want to make the rest of his body flush red like his cheeks do when I say something that makes him blush. I want to touch him, to run my fingers over his stomach and lick his pretty pink nipples so tenderly that I usher sweet moans from his lips. I want to bite and suck and mark him so that I remain on him even after our encounter is over. I want the bruises I leave on him to throb under his collar during meetings. He’s gorgeous. He’s perfect, I want him, I want to make him mine - break him down piece by piece. claim every inch.  

By now I’m rock hard, biting my lip to stay quiet as the thoughts of Hux with those gorgeous pink lips wrapped around my cock brings me closer and closer to completion. My back arches slightly in pleasure...

...and then my phone rings and buzzes completely sending me out of my lustful daze and into near terror. I grab the phone and the blankets to cover myself in shock, not used to being interrupted by my phone at all. Once sheltered completely under the covers, I check the screen which is lit up with a message.

The message is from Hux. 

H: Hey Ren. It’s Hux. Hope you didn’t miss me too much at lunch?

I feel my face flush at the mere idea that even Hux’s text was that so close to the dirty thoughts that had been in my mind a few seconds prior. When the embarrassment and shame of my actions wears away, excitement that he texted me starts to sink in. I’m still rock hard and slightly uncomfortable, but I think it’s more important to calm down and chat with Hux now that he’s trusted me with his personal cell phone number.

R: I did actually. Very Lonely how was your day?

H: Poor thing :( 

Sarcastic as usual 

H:I’ll be back tomorrow. What are you up to?

R: None of your business

I lie. It was probably very much his business. I was imagining him with my cock down his throat. 

R: Just trying to relax after work.

H: Ah. Well I know you need my address for Friday.

He accompanies this text with the address to his apartment. 

H: and I hope you’re not allergic to cats, I have one.

R: You have a cat? I’m not allergic. Don’t worry.

H: Good. I’m rather excited. To try whatever you’re making of course.

I smile softly to myself. I’m still under the covers and my cheeks are flushed from the idea that Hux is excited to try my food. 

R: Me too. I hopefully won’t disappoint.

H: You better not. My time is very valuable you know. I won’t have you wasting it cooking me crap food.

R: Don’t worry. I don’t know how to make such a thing.

H: Oh confident are we? You're never very confident at work.

R: Because I’m not. It’s not exactly an environment I feel very confident in.

H: No? That’s a shame. You have nothing to worry about you know.

R: The only time I feel confident is at lunch with you.

It takes him a while to respond to this. Once I’ve sent it, I wish I could take it back. I didn’t mean to do something wrong. After ten minutes of waiting for a response, I climb into the shower and finish what I had started earlier. I try not to think about Hux and let the warm water and friction of my hand do the work, but it’s quite impossible not to think of him at this point.

I wonder why he hasn’t responded and think that it’s just a matter of him getting busy with something. I hope that’s the case anyway. I definitely don’t want to have ruined the only thing that has made me feel happy in what feels like years. 

After my shower, I cook myself some dinner. Nothing complicated, just some soup made from the leftover ingredients I have in the fridge. I still haven’t received a text back from Hux and it makes me feel slightly disheartened. Maybe whatever I had said wasn’t interesting enough for the conversation to continue? I hated the idea of boring him. That wasn’t what I wanted at all. 

I never felt bored with him. I was always excited to hear what he had to say about the other people in the office, and I liked hearing about his life outside of work. It excites me that he has a cat. I quite like animals too. I think they’re much better than people. I truly hoped that I was boring him wasn’t the case at all.

Right as the soup starts to simmer Rey walks in the door, backpack over her shoulder, she obviously just got out of class. She smiles and waves as she sees me standing in front of the stove stirring the soup,

“Hey! That smells good. May I have some when it’s ready?”

“Of course. Welcome home. You’re pretty late.”

“Yeah I had to finish up a project at school and only just got it done!”

“Life’s hard when you’re a lazy college student.”

“Oh hush. You have no idea how busy college is. You never had to suffer through it.” She steps out onto the balcony and returns with the watering can, filling it up in the sink.

“Hey, when you’re done with that. I need your opinion on something”

“Oh?” She actually looks a bit excited about this. “Alright, Just give me a bit. It was warm today! I bet the plants are thirsty.”

I nod and put the lid on the pot of the soup, letting it simmer for a while. I’ll tell Rey about the conference and about my upcoming date with Hux. I’ll ask her what to wear. Perhaps she can even help me pick out some new clothing for the occasion. 

How pathetic. A 29 year old man asking his 19 year old cousin for fashion advice. I needed her opinion on what to cook too. I really didn’t have a clue and wanted it to be something that was tasty enough to make Hux happy without being difficult enough to risk me messing something up.  I wasn’t always the best under pressure. 

At this point Rey has watered her plants and returned to the kitchen. She leans against the counter and looks at me expectantly, “So..?”

“I’m going on a date Friday.” I blurt it out a bit too quickly. 

“Really?” She seems genuinely excited for me. “With the guy from work...what was his name...Hux?”

I feel my cheeks heat up...”Yes with Hux. I’m just going over to his apartment and making him dinner.” 

“Lucky him.” she smiles, “Everything you make is delicious, I’m sure you’ll have fun.”

“I’m nervous. I need help. I don’t know what to make...and what should I wear? I haven’t gone out in a long time.”

Her face softens and she almost looks touched that I would trust her with such an important task.

“Do you know what his favorite type of food is? That would be a start.”

“No, I really don’t know much about him at all.”

“Hm, why don’t you ask him what he’d like? There’s no shame in that.”

“No! It has to be a surprise. It has to be something special.”

“Okay..okay well. Make something you enjoy cooking, and it’s guaranteed to be special. If you’re heart is in it, it’ll make all the difference.”

“...and what should I wear?”

“Probably not your work clothes, just something casual? I actually have to go get Finn a birthday present. We could go to the shops together and I could help you pick something out?”

“It’ll have to be tomorrow night. I don’t have long.”

“Alright, that’s fine. Tomorrow night, you and me. We’ll find something nice for Finn, and something nice for you to wear.”

I nod, confirming this. Rey seems happy to have made plans with me. It’s very rare that we do things together at all. I think she’s happy to be able to have a second opinion on Finn’s present as well, and I suppose I don’t mind helping her in exchange of her helping me. Not that I’m very good at picking gifts for people. 

The soup is finished and I dish her up a bowl. We sit at the table and eat. I stay silent as she chatters on about her day. I’m half listening, but I don’t think she really cares, she just wants the chance to say it all out loud and get it off her chest. 

I’m too tired to ponder the matter of what I’ll cook for dinner on Friday at this point and decide it’s best if I just wait until tomorrow. I’ll get a good night sleep, clear my head, and I’ll see Hux in the morning, which might be enough to help me come up with something. 

Rey was right. I needed to cook something I enjoyed making. I needed to put my heart into it, and that would be enough. I was skeptical about silly romantics like that but I suppose there was some truth to it. My cooking always tasted better when I enjoyed making it. 

I had forgotten the topic of the never answered text message to Hux while eating and talking to Rey, but was reminded of it when I checked my phone after cleaning up the dishes and storing the leftover soup. Unfortunately, Hux still hadn’t responded. At this point it was getting quite late, and I really doubted that he was going to respond at all. I felt a pang of disappointment and decided to retire for the night. I hadn’t ended up taking a nap earlier so I was quite tired, hopefully falling asleep tonight wouldn’t be as difficult as usual. 

I make sure my phone is charging, turn off all the lights and climb into bed. As I roll into a comfortable position and close my eyes I hear the buzz of my phone’s vibrations through the mattress. I had gotten a message.  Instantly, I reach for my phone to see what it says. 

H : Sorry! Fell asleep on you. I’m glad you feel that way with me. You should feel confident.

I actually smile to myself. So completely relieved that there had been a reason for Hux’s silence and it wasn’t because I had scared him away. 

R: Soup for lunch tomorrow. 

I text back. Maybe a bit too hastily, but I don’t care. 

H: Great, bring some for me.  It’s late get some rest! See you in the morning

R: I was trying to, but your text woke me up. Not that I mind.

R: Goodnight Hux”

H: You better not mind. 

H: Goodnight Ren

I do indeed fall asleep much faster than usual. 

\--

The next day is rather uneventful for most of the morning. I can’t stop thinking about my text conversation with Hux and it’s causing me to be slightly distracted. I’ve made a few stupid mistakes that Snoke had pointed out that I had forgotten to fix before turning in the final report. I wasn’t incredibly detail oriented so this happened every now and again. Snoke was usually quite forgiving, but as he had already drawn my attention to this problem once and was furious that I had failed to correct it the second time. Snoke didn’t give you more than a second chance. 

He called me into his office shortly after I had turned in my report. I was slightly nervous, this job was important to me for many reasons now. I needed the money, but I also needed to see Hux. He had cast such a light across my lonely, mundane life, and I was afraid of losing him along with this job.  Snoke sits behind his desk, face hard to read, though I can tell he is unhappy. 

“How many times do I have to show you your mistakes before you fix them Ren?”

“...Just once sir.”

“Oh? So what’s this?” He slides my report across his desk towards me. It’s marked to pieces in red ink, but it isn’t Snoke’s handwriting at all, to my surprise. 

“I trusted you enough to send this to a client without revising it first. And now, because of your careless mistakes, we’ve lost the account completely.”

I feel my stomach flip uncomfortably and I can’t peel my eyes away from the red ink scratched across my report. I hadn’t meant to fuck up, and I honestly had no idea that the consequences of my mistake would be so huge. If I had, I may have done better but that’s honestly hard to say. I was great at fucking shit up.

“I trusted you to listen and do a good job, and this is how you repay me?”

“I’m sorry sir... I completely forgot about those edits you wanted me to make I-”

“Quiet. Sorry isn’t good enough. Sorry won’t get this client back. Out of my sight. Don’t do it again or there won’t be another chance for you to mess up”  The way he looks at me lets me know he is completely serious. It makes me feel small. Worthless. Like I’m nothing that can’t be replaced with the snap of his fingers. I suppose that’s how it’s always been. 

I’m a grown man but I’ve never been closer to crying. As I open the door and leave Snoke’s office, I’m hardly paying attention to where I’m going and run smack dab into Hux. 

Of course. Just my fucking luck - run into Hux with tears in your eyes after being scolded by your boss. That’ll impress him.

When I meet his gaze, I expect him to look upset or be annoyed, but he really just looks concerned. I hate it. I don’t want his pity so I continue to walk past him like nothing had happened. I’ll go to the bathroom and compose myself, and then I’ll get back to my desk and do better. This wouldn’t happen again. 

The bathroom is empty which gives me a much needed opportunity to let a few angry tears fall down my cheeks. I splash my face with water and stare at my reflection. I look like shit. I always look like shit though, so that wasn’t really news. I think I should probably get another tie. I wear this black one every day and even that’s starting to annoy me now. 

I probably take longer than I should wasting time in the bathroom. Lost in thought as I pick apart my appearance, finding things wrong with every single piece of me. My face, my hair, my eyes, my body, nothing is safe from my mind’s own scrutiny.  I try not to do this often but when I’m thrust this far down into my own stupid depression it’s hard to step away. I hate myself, and I want to direct that hate at myself while I have the opportunity to do so. 

I hear the bathroom door start to open and know my time here is up. A small man with black hair walks in. Mitaka I think his name is. I’m not sure of his first name. Something with a D? It’s probably stupid anyway.  He’s the other guy Hux wants to bring along to the conference. I’m not sure why this makes me jealous but it does, and now this Mitaka asshole is ruining my self-hate-in-the-bathroom time too. Typical.  He smiles at me nervously as I wash my hands. I don’t smile back. I don’t ever smile unless I have a good reason to. 

My act of slacking off in the bathroom isn’t a ways, I am feeling a bit better after spending a bit of time away from the office’s crippling air. As I take a seat I notice there is something strange on my desk that I don’t remember putting there before. It’s a blue sticky note. I don’t have any of those at my desk, so I’m not really sure where it came from. It’s also face down, which seems stupid considering the sticky part is on the back. I pick it up, slightly nervous it’s more instructions from Snoke, or something even worse, but to my surprise, it’s neither. 

_ Don’t feel too bad. That client was shit anyway - H _

It’s written in neat, small handwriting that’s precise and orderly. There’s only a letter signed in place of a name but I know exactly who it’s from. I think for the first time in my entire life I experience the sensation of butterflies in my stomach. I wonder if Hux had felt the same way about the note I had left him on the bottom of his coffee mug. I hoped so. This felt quite nice if I was to be honest with myself.  I don’t want to get Hux in any sort of trouble for badmouthing clients on sticky notes, so I hide it in my desk drawer, sticking it carefully to the side. I wish I could put it on my computer screen. I wish I could stick it everywhere. I wish I had a hundred sticky notes from Hux to just cover everything and anything with. But that would be a little impractical, and Hux loves practicality. 

The time drags on until lunchtime. Right before I’m about to head into the break room I get an email from Hux. It explains that Snoke has demanded all the executives to go out to lunch to discuss some housekeeping things. I wonder if this has something to do with the client I apparently lost the firm earlier. I sincerely hope not. That would mean I ruined something else in addition to work, something important - my lunchtime with Hux. He tells me that he should be back in the afternoon but to not wait around to eat. He won’t get time to sit in the break room with me even if I waited, so there isn’t much point. 

I eat in silence. This is as good of a time as any to figure out what to make Hux. I think of what Rey said. Something that I enjoy making will certainly taste best at the end of the day, and I know she’s right about that. She’s had to endure my cooking more than anyone. 

When I was younger, my mother used to always make me this stupid macaroni and cheese casserole whenever she knew I needed cheering up. It was actually the first thing I had ever made and I learned the recipe just by watching her make it, too embarrassed to admit that I liked cooking to ask for the recipe. My father said cooking was a womanly task, so I figured I should probably keep quiet about my desire to learn how. 

The first time I made it, it was horrible. I almost set the kitchen on fire and my mother could only really laugh, which was better than her screaming at me I suppose. My dad was out of town for a while so I felt like I was safe to attempt to make the casserole and surprise my mother. I had surprised her by setting off all the fire alarms, which really hadn’t been my intent. She wasn’t upset at all, more touched that I wanted to do something like her I think. I didn’t often show interest in things she enjoyed, so it excited her. 

With the leftover ingredients I hadn’t ruined she helped me make the casserole correctly, showing me the recipe and how to follow it. I couldn’t have been more than 13 at the time. When we were finished, we ate together and watched a movie. It had been a good night. One of very few, and I remembered it fondly. 

The next day my mother had printed me out a copy of the casserole recipe and given it to me in my own little recipe binder she had purchased at the store. I was happy because it was quite masculine looking. Black with the word “Recipes” written boldly in gold across the front. She told me to keep a collection of all my favorite recipes so I could make them in the future. From that point on, I had, and I still was in possession of this gift from my mother. I hated following instructions and liked to deviate from the recipes now, so all of the pages were marked up with my messy handwriting but it still served a purpose. 

For my date with Hux, I would make the Macaroni and cheese casserole my mother used to make for me. I surely had perfected it by now, and it truly was something I enjoyed making. Hopefully Hux would enjoy eating it just as much. 

Feeling productive regardless of Hux’s absence, I finish the rest of my meal and return to work. I’m determined not to make another stupid mistake as I had earlier.  When the group of executives that had gone to lunch came back into the office, Snoke kept Hux too busy to slip away from his desk and visit me, which is fine I suppose. I couldn’t help but be slightly concerned about how it seemed that Snoke would work so hard to keep Hux away from me. It felt almost intentional and it sent anxiety to the pit of my stomach. Surely he hadn’t noticed, and if he had, where was the harm in it? Was regular friendship not allowed at work? I honestly wouldn’t know.

I think about sending Hux a text message expressing how much I missed him today, and maybe to thank him for the note for brightening my day a bit, but I stop myself. I don’t want to seem desperate or annoying to him, so I busy myself after work by going to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients I’ll need to prepare dinner on Friday. It’s only a day away now. It’ll be here before I know it. 

\--

Thursday and Friday both pass by relatively easily which is great considering I am a nervous wreck over my impending date with Hux on Friday. I have his address from when he texted it to me the other night, but we haven’t actually texted each other since then. I’ve been a bit too nervous too, scared that I’ll overstep my bounds somehow. 

Thursday night is when Rey and I go shopping. I hate shopping, I truly fucking do, but Rey is more than happy to help me pick out something to wear. If I have to go shopping at all, it’s best I go with her.  I’m not picky and I trust her judgement, so we find an outfit pretty quickly. It’s simple, a black collared shirt and some not-quite-black-but-dark-enough dress pants that Rey says go well together. I think about purchasing a few extra ties while I’m out, but at this point I’m tired from the work day and all of them are too colorful for my tastes. I don’t want to waste time trying to find one that I like.  What takes ages is finding a present for Finn, but I honestly can’t complain after Rey has done me such a favor.  She seems pleased with herself when I come out of the fitting room apparently looking okay, and it’s enough to quell my nerves a bit. I appreciate it more than I’ll admit to her.

Friday night comes faster than I expect it to of course. I collect the ingredients I purchased from the fridge and head to Hux’s apartment before I give myself the chance to get too nervous.

This was often my tactic for avoiding anxiety - just dive headfirst into the task and do it as quickly as possible before you have the chance to worry. This was probably why I made so many mistakes, though did not want this date to be a mistake and was determined to make the very best out of it.

Hux lives on the 11th floor of a highrise in the heart of downtown, not too far from the office. It’s interesting to see what a this place is like to live in. I’ve only ever looked up at these sort of condos and wondered what sort of people lived inside of them, now I know.  

I’m wearing the clothes Rey helped me picked out. My sleeves are rolled up a bit messily but It’s warm outside today and I’m pretty sure Hux is used to my messy rolled up sleeves by this point. I wanted to be myself. I felt no desire to be someone else around Hux when I knew he was already quite fond of me as I was naturally. I knock on the door and he opens it promptly. I wonder if he’s as nervous about this as I am. 

He looks nice. His hair is neat and it makes me happy to see him wearing something other than his usual work get up. I hope he thinks the same of me. I think he looks handsome. He’s got some strange features but I think that’s what draws me to him. I like that his eyelashes match his hair and how sometimes when the office gets cold his lips turn almost a shade of purple. I often wonder what it might be like to kiss them. 

“Right on time as usual I see.”

“Of course. I have everything. I’ll get started right away if you want me to.”

“Come in and relax a bit first, I’m not going to put you to work right away.”

I step inside the condo and Hux’s cat approaches me. She’s got a fancy looking collar on with a bell attached to it. It makes a cute sound as she moves. 

“Ah Ren, meet Millicent. She doesn’t actually come up to people like this very often so consider yourself lucky.”

I smile and kneel on the floor to better give Millicent attention. She purrs and rubs herself affectionately against my hand. I can feel Hux’s eyes on me and hope he enjoys this sight. 

“She’s sweet. And so soft. I like her.”

“Well you can’t have her, she’s mine.”

“Ooh possessive are we? What if she likes me better?”

“She doesn’t like you better. Don’t get cocky Ren.  Would you like some wine? Do you even drink?”

“Not often, but sometimes. On special occasions.”

“Ah, how admirable. I probably drink too much but who’s to say?” 

I shrug my shoulders and stand, Millicent jingles as she runs away to curl up by a window. I bring the ingredients into the Kitchen with me as  I follow Hux inside, setting them out on the counter and arranging them accordingly. 

“So what’s for dinner?” Hux says this as he opens a bottle of wine and pours me a glass. I probably won’t like it . I’m not really a fan of wine but I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I certainly might benefit from the lowered inhibitions alcohol will bring me. 

“Don’t get too excited. It’s nothing fancy. Just this macaroni and cheese casserole I make sometimes.”

“Macaroni and cheese? You do know we aren’t 10 years old” 

My face heats up in blush.

“It’s not normal Mac and cheese. Just trust me. You’ll like it. And if you don’t then you have plenty of wine to help yourself forget about it afterwards.”

Hux actually smiles and hands me my glass of wine. 

“I was only joking. It sounds good, I’m sure I’ll love it.”

I take a sip of the wine that I’m handed. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted, and I’m grateful for that at least. I could probably get used to drinking this if I really tried. It only takes a few sips before I feel myself relaxing a bit. 

“I couldn’t think of what to make. It took me ages to figure it out. Rey actually helped me. She’s the cousin I live with. She told me to make something I love cooking...so here we are. This was the first thing I ever attempted to cook actually. I was only 13.”

“I hope it tastes better now than it probably did back then.”

“It was inedible back then, so yeah, I hope so too.”

“You genuinely enjoy cooking don’t you? It’s surprising. Why are you working in an office?”

“There aren’t any practical implications for being a cook. I don’t want to work in a restaurant. And frankly I feel like doing something I enjoy as my work would just ruin it for me. I’d never ever want to cook again.”

“Ah, that’s understandable. I suppose it’s easy to hate what you do at work”

“Do you hate work?”

“....I don’t..hate it I suppose? It gets annoying sometimes, but it’s good money. And I can afford to live here. That’s just part of life.”

“My Mother always used to tell me that I should find something I enjoy doing, and that money didn’t matter.” 

I start to prepare the meal, measuring the ingredients out. Hux instructs me of where to find the utensils I need as he watches from where he stands, wine glass in his hand. The wine as dyed the inside of his lips a deep red and I want to lick them clean. 

“Well it sounds like your mother and my father had very different views on life. I don’t really know if money is necessarily everything, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.”

I take a few sips from my glass and continue preparing dinner. 

“Your dad is an asshole. I don’t blame you for avoiding him.”

“Thank you, I wouldn’t really care if you did blame me. I’d still avoid him all the same.”

“How do you think the conference is going to go?”

“I’m really not sure actually. Maybe you could help mull it over some...I’ve been trying not to worry about it. But now it’s only a week away.”

“You really don’t want to do it, do you?”

“No. Not in the slightest. But I want to keep my job so it simply must be done.”

“Why do you hate your father so much? If You don’t mind my asking...I mean, you don’t have to tell me. ...but knowing would help me be better at moral support?”

This was the question I had been dying to ask. The second it leaves my mouth it feels overly personal and intrusive. 

“...yes. I suppose I can tell you. Please don’t let anyone know about any of this.” 

He looks nervous and I suddenly feel guilty for putting him on the spot like this. I wouldn’t want to talk about my family in such a way, but getting to know Hux better seems like a reasonable thing to do at this point. I wanted to understand him beyond the usual first date nonsense. 

“I won’t tell a soul.” 

“Good. Well. My father has always found some sort of way to make my life difficult. This is just another one of his little plots to upset me. I’m trying not to let it…  When I was younger, he basically prohibited me from doing anything outside of school. I attended a prestigious private school full of other boys who never got to do what they enjoyed and were continuously pushed harder and harder academically. If I didn’t do well, I was punished….severely.” 

I continue to prepare our food as he talks,  I think it makes him feel a bit better to not have my eyes on him as he tells me his story. 

“It was in high school that I first came to terms with my...sexual orientation. It really just made things between my father and I even worse. For whatever ridiculous reason, he hated that I was gay. It had absolutely no affect on anything I did. I never had time to date and I wasn’t particularly interested, but he just had it in his head that I was eyeing up everyone around me and making them uncomfortable. He got used to it after a while, but...my punishment for failing anything at school became much much worse after that...the abuse wasn’t always verbal...my father can be a very unpredictable man at times.”

“He hurt you?”

“He’s hurt me in many ways Ren, that’s hardly the end of it.”

By now the casserole is mostly ready to sit in the oven for a while, which gives me some much needed time to sit with Hux and hear the rest of his story. I’m angry at the things he is telling me, but am trying desperately to listen as he speaks without over reacting in any way. He refills both of our glasses of Wine and we sit on the sofa as he continues. 

“Anyway, where was I?....”

“Um, verbal and physical abuse? Being cruel because you’re gay? I hate this guy already, do I really want to know more?

“Probably not...but you have me talking...and the wine has me talking. It feels strangely good to say all of this out loud. I never have.”

“Then continue. Please. I want to know everything. I need to adequately hate your dad at the leveI I should.” 

Hux smiles softly, touched by my willingness to hate the same man he does.

“I had nowhere to go but with my father. His plan for me to take over his company had existed since I was born I think, so naturally it was what he raised me to do. I hated him, I hated working for him after he had caused me so much anguish, but I was literally unable to see an escape. He had quite a few different business ventures over the years. And I followed him through every single one.” 

“There was a breaking point though. It always felt, even from when I was younger, that my father got meaner and meaner every single year. I still believe that now. So there was a point where it just became too much for me.  He would blame me for looking at my coworkers in a way he said was “strange”. I can honestly say without any hesitation that I never once had any romantic interest in anyone at any of the companies. I had friends and colleagues I enjoyed spending time with, it was really the only aspect of my life I could enjoy at all. But my father had to take that from me as well. Anytime I’d get close to someone he’d fire them. And every single time he would blame their reason for being fired on me. He made me out to be the bad guy to them, every single time. The only friends I ever really had lost their jobs and blamed me for it.  Whatever ridiculous lie my father would make up about me was usually accepted. My word never trumped his.”

“That’s really fucking horrible Hux... I don't like this at all.”

“It gets worse...I put up with this sort of humiliating behavior for a few years. My father is all about keeping up appearances and he wanted me to stay at his company for those reasons. Eventually, I started to become suspicious of some of the activities my father was partaking in. He always had some sort of grand idea that would supposedly make us lots of money. Usually he was right, the company did well. But I ended up uncovering, completely by accident, that Arkanis Incorporated, his current venture was actually a Ponzi Scheme. My father had somehow mind controlled a group of investors to pouring money into Arkanis Inc. promising a high return for their investment. As a result, more and more people began to invest. My father sends out monthly statements fooling them into believing they've made money, but the only person truly earning anything is him. As soon as I became aware, I confronted him about it.  He laughed at me for being so soft. When I threatened to reveal what he was doing, he fired me.”

“I thought you left his company?”

“I did. I would have left regardless. But I know he just wanted that satisfaction and control over me. Snoke heard of the whole ordeal and knew that I’d be an asset to First Order even though my father had thrown me out. My father was happy to see me work somewhere where he could still keep a close eye on me.

“And nobody knows about this scheme? Those are illegal right?”

“Very illegal, as is the process of firing an employee for discovering illegal behavior and not wanting to go along with it.. “

“And this is why you’re so upset that you have to speak on his behalf at the conference? Because you know the company is built on something illegal?”

“That, and the fact that my father has made my life a living hell since I took my first steps. I don’t want to have to play his stupid little games anymore.”

“...Then don’t?”

“I’ll lose my job...again. Snoke told me I wouldn’t have a chance finding another job in this city if I messed this up.”

“...but you’re obviously not happy. You’re still being manipulated by someone you tried to escape...maybe getting away from this all entirely isn’t a bad idea.”

“But what about...you? And this...and my apartment and my life here. It would all be ruined.”

“...you might have to move, I’m not sure how true it is that Snoke could ruin your chances of being hired again, but you don’t have to worry about losing me. I’ll be here.”

“....Thank you Ren...I’m still not sure of what to do”

“You still have a whole week, there’s time to think about it…..thank you for sharing this all with me. I’ll be much more help at the conference now I know. I’ll be all the moral support you’ll ever need.”

With that, the timer goes off, dinner is ready, and I’ve probably had a bit too much wine. I pull the casserole out of the oven, it looks perfect as usual, and dish it up into two bowls. Hux has the table set for the two of us out on his balcony. I find it charming that he went through that effort to make this nice for me. 

“This is really fucking good.” He says this after a few bites. 

“What did I tell you?. Mac and cheese isn’t just for kids.”

“Now I believe you. So you picked this dish because it’s something you enjoy making?”

“Yes. It was actually the first thing  ever tried to make. I watched my mother make it so many times I thought I could recreate it. I failed of course, but she helped me make it correctly.”

“You were close with your mother then?”

“I suppose. I wasn’t really close to my father. He spent a lot of time away from home. My mother is all I had.”

“I see. What I would have given for my father to spend some time away. My mother left when I was seven...she knew what my father was up to I think. She didn’t want the repercussions.”

“I see. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I was 7 a very long time ago. I’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with it.”

“What do you like to do? As a hobby...like I like to cook. Is there anything you like to do?”

“Oh. Well….I’m not sure… really. I’ve only ever focused on being better at running a business. I’m not sure what I would do in my spare time.”

“Well pick something. And next date, we can do it together”

“So you’ve decided there’s going to be a next date.”

“Of course there will be. The casserole was good wasn’t it?”

Hux smiles and finishes his glass of wine. “Yes it was, as was the company. Thank you for listening to me talk about all my problems.”

“Thank you for sharing them with me. I like listening. I want to help where I can.”

“I wanted you to come for a reason you know. You make me feel better. About lots of things. It’s hard to explain. I don’t want to sound sentimental.”

“Don’t explain. You don’t have to, I get it.” 

He smiles and I hold his gaze for a while. He doesn’t need to explain because I understand completely. Somehow, when the two of us are together, nothing needs an explanation, and it feels incredible. 

It’s dark on the balcony before we go inside. I’m quite tired from working all day, as is Hux. We’ve had a good time together, but I know it’s time to leave him be as much as I don’t want to. I feel like he doesn’t want me to go either, but that’s all a part of the game right? I want him to want me. I want him to crave me.

“Think about what you want to do next time. And keep the leftovers.”

“I will. I think I’m already looking forward to it. Whatever it is. Maybe after the conference when we can relax some?”

“Yes, that sounds good. Have a good night Hux. Text me sometime if you’d like...It makes me happy when you do.”

“Does it?”

I blush a bit, it sounds weird admitting it out loud. “

Yes. It makes me feel like you want me.”

“I do want you. Go on. Get home. It’s late.”

I want to kiss him and I think he wants to kiss me too, but there’s something deep inside both of us that holds us back enough to resist. Maybe it’s nerves, maybe it’s the desire to make sure that moment is perfect, whenever it eventually happens.

I walk back to the subway that will take me home, unable to erase the thought of how much I wanted to kiss Hux from my mind. It’s an addiction. I constantly want more. I hope he wants more of me too. I’m here, and willing to give him everything I can.

 

 

 

 


	6. Hux - Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A call, a key, and the first night of the conference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to bump the rating up again ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s the weekend and I’ve decided that by Monday I will have my speech for the conference prepared. I’m still not entirely sure of what my plan is. I was a bit stuck in the mess that sits between deciding to keep my career or to destroy it for the sake of my pride. However, talking to Ren during our date has done wonders to make me feel better and I’m finding my view of the future slightly more clear. It’s funny how speaking with Ren had that sort of effect on me. I’m not as worried for the outcome of things when I’m confident that he will still be there on the other side regardless. A consolation prize of sorts, but nothing like that at the same time. A consolation prize worth so much more than the Grand prize. 

I take my laptop out onto the balcony. Sitting at the table alone like this usually feels so familiar, but I realize now how much I enjoyed having Ren join me out here last night. It would be ideal to always have his company when struggling through situations like this. I like to be able to talk things out, but Ren isn’t here right now, regardless of how much I wish he was, I have a very important speech to write. It’s best if I get started. 

I bring a glass of wine out there with me out of pure necessity and an attempt to relax. There had been some left over from last night and I so desperately needed it to take the edge off of my nerves. The blank word document in front of me makes my stomach turn. Too many possibilities are all staring straight at me with a cold, white, empty expression. I have the opportunity to do something drastic, something out of control and insane, which literally goes against every fiber of my being. Yet I somehow can’t seem to shake the idea of epically throwing my father’s company through the metaphorical wood grinder in front of hundreds of his potential clients. It shouldn’t feel like the most beneficial option, but it did. They weren’t clients at all at the end of the day, they were victims, and perhaps it was finally my chance at restoring justice and order and making things right. As I often wished I could have done before. 

This is so much harder than I ever realized it would be and I had already come to terms with the fact that it was going to be quite difficult already. The words don’t seem to want to write themselves like so many reports and much of the other work I had done before. I’m struggling to piece together a concrete idea and even my thoughts seem scattered and disoriented. I’m unable to put anything together in a way that will convey what I mean. Perhaps starting with an outline might be better. I’ll attempt to fill it out from there. 

So I do, starting from the top; About my life working under my father, the development of my career inside the company as I saw things begin to change and the corruption within it grew.; About how it turned from an investment company into a scheme. It feels foreign typing it out into the document, as if putting it in writing is something that makes it all the more realistic. But it IS real It’s all real. I’m not making any of this up, or falsifying any facts this is truly my experience and knowledge of the situation. I had the data and reports to prove it

Before I even realize, it I am filling in the pieces with thoughts and experiences I had hardly been able to remember prior to this. Things I had suppressed and pushed away in order to free myself of them as well. But now there was a purpose to them, and I would make sure that purpose was fulfilled. 

My phone suddenly rings, which snaps me out of my furious typing spree entirely. I take a moment to compose myself and then check the device. It’s actually from Phasma. Over where she is it just turned 10 at night, 10 am here for me, and she’d like to catch up while she has a spare moment before bed. I know I’ll feel better after explaining everything to her and hope she’ll give me whatever it is I need to complete the rest of my speech. 

“Hello Captain it’s been a while”

“It has! General, how are you?”

“Not all that much better than last time, for completely different reasons”

“Oh dear, still fighting with your lovestruck heart?”

“No actually. We had our first date last night, it was lovely - but that isn’t what I’m talking about.”

“Go on then”

“...My father weaved this stupid conference into a deal with Snoke, and now I’m being forced to be Arkanis’ poster boy for a weekend. I have to give a speech and everything. You know how I feel about all of that.”

“Why can’t you just say you have a conflict of interest?”

“Because it really doesn’t make a blind bit of difference to Snoke. He threatened to fire me if I did a poor job.”

“Oh...well I’m quite convinced that you’re incapable at doing a poor job at anything...what do you plan to do?”

“Well...I talked to Ren about it. That’s the guy from work, more about him later I need to get this off my chest first…”  
Her silence allows me to continue

“....I think I’m going to make my final stand and expose Arkanis, and my father. I don’t want to lose my job….but I’m starting to feel like even now I’m shackled to my father’s mess. It doesn’t feel worth it anymore…At first I was just planning on sucking it up and going along with it, but it’s starting to just feel...so wrong.”

“...I would be proud of you for doing that. I wish I could be there to watch you”

“...proud? Really?”

“Of course! You’re literally slaying the one demon that’s always haunted you, even when we were kids...I’ve known you forever Hux..of course I’d be proud of you for fighting for what YOU want...instead of what he wants”

“Thank you Phasma...I’m actually typing out my speech right now”

“So sorry to bother you! I’ll let you get back to it.”

“No no, It’s really good to hear your voice. I needed it, and your support...thank you as always Phasma. Are you doing alright?”

“Yes yes, I’m fine as ever. Loving it over here to be quite honest so don’t worry about me. Just focus on what you have to do. And on this..Ren?”

“Ah yes...Ren.”

“And how was your date?”

“It was fine...he just came over and cooked dinner, we ate it on the balcony.”

“Lucky you, I could murder a home cooked meal right about now. If things go any further I’ll need to get some military leave and come make sure he’s up to standards.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m a grown man, I can take care of myself.”

Phasma laughs into the phone, “I know you can. I’m only joking.”

“Ren will be with me at the conference. And Mitaka...I got to invite two people from the office.”

“Well that’s good, I hope he provides you with whatever support and care you need. I know you can do this General. I’ve always known you were better than the chains he wrapped around you.”

“....Thank you..once again Phasma. Stay safe out there alright? I would be lost without you bothering me on the phone every now and again.”

“Like I said earlier General, don’t worry about me. Take care of yourself, you’re the one that needs it. I should really go. It’s late and I just wanted to check in on you. Good luck on finishing your speech. Get Ren to record it so I can see the color drain from your old man’s face.”

I laugh, albeit a bit nervously, “Yes well, I’m not so sure about taping it, but I suppose I am quite looking forward to that sight to. Go rest Phasma, sleep well.”

“And have a good day General, Goodnight.”

I hang up, take a sip of my wine, and finish the rest of my speech without pausing for another drink. With Phasma and Ren’s faith in me ,I’m suddenly feeling even more capable than I had felt before. It’s empowering, and I hope it’s enough to keep me going for just a bit longer. The actual day of the speech was only a week away now, and it would be here before I knew it. I needed to be ready. 

\--

On Monday I wake up with a head cold that is so violently terrible I actually don’t have much of a choice to do anything but stay in bed. I use this as an opportunity to catch up on some much needed rest, and to also revise the draft of my speech I had completed over the weekend. There are so many different parts of it, with so many contrasting statements and ideas that it’s too unfinished for anything at the current moment. I’m thankful that I still have all week to edit. With the cold fogging up my brain, I’m finding it quite hard to get any serious editing done. 

Between dozing off and shambling to the bathroom to retrieve more medicine, I wonder briefly if Ren has missed me today. I don’t have any text messages from him which worries me a bit. I hope he didn’t decide I wasn’t worth the time after our date Friday night. I felt very differently about him than that. 

I sleep the rest of the day off disappointed by Ren’s silence until I am awoken from my slumber by a knock on the door. I check the time to see it’s quite late, I had slept into the evening with very little effort. I must have needed it - but now...who was at my door?

I wrap a robe around myself and hope I don’t look deathly ill enough to scare whoever it is away. When I open the door it Ren I see staring back at me, a tupperware container of what looks to be chicken soup in his hands. He holds it out to me in that awkward way of moving that he does so often.

“I didn’t want to wake you up. You should be resting. I’m sorry. But I made this for you. To help you feel better. It was actually for lunch today...for both of us. I heard you were sick so I saved it. I figured you’d need it more” 

As if on queue, Ren’s stomach growls loudly. “Idiot. That means you haven’t eaten lunch? Get in here and have some with me. And don’t get too close. I need you this weekend, you can’t afford to get sick.”

Ren almost looks a shade of excited as he steps into the apartment. He keeps his distance, though I can feel as though he wishes he could get closer. I probably look like shit, and momentarily feel quite self conscious that Ren will think so. When I glance at him to gauge his reaction to my current state, he’s on the floor sitting crossed legged with Millicent in his lap, giving her a snuggle. 

“Snoke wasn’t happy that you weren’t there today.”

“Yeah well, I wasn’t exactly to be high on medicine and comatose for the greater part of the day. So Snoke can shove it.” I hear ren laugh softly from his spot on the floor of the living room.

“I wasn’t happy either. I hate it when you’re not there.”

“Oh well that’s news to me. I thought you had forgotten about me. No texts all day?”

“Oh...I honestly didn’t want to bother you. I figured if you were actually sick you’d want to be left alone...and even if you were pretending to be sick, you still probably wanted to be alone. I understand.”

In most cases, yes that was probably an accurate reading of my personality on Ren’s part, which was mildly flattering. However, my current crush on him was making the way I felt about our interactions a bit different. I usually had no interest in other’s or their concern for me, but any opportunity for Ren to talk to me and I seemed to be expecting it….craving it even. 

“I appreciate that. Thank you. I don’t think I would have minded. You’re allowed to bother me.”

“I know I am. That’s why I’m here. I didn’t want to bother you without adequate preparations so I saved the soup. I bet you haven’t eaten today. You need to feed a cold.”

“So now you’re my mother?” 

“No, but I take my job very seriously, and my job right now is to be moral support to you in preparation for this conference. Soup will make you better faster.”

“Will it now? I’m quite sure that’s an old wives tail.”

“Maybe, but I don’t really care. I brought you soup because I wanted to.”

“Well thank you Ren. It smells good...not that I can smell much of anything at all. You want to come dish it up so I don’t get any germs on yours?”

Ren plods into the kitchen and pours the soup into two bowls, giving me slightly more as always. He doesn’t get too close to me, but closer than someone afraid of being sick would. It’s comforting that he’s not afraid to get close, though I am quite afraid of making him ill right in my time of need. We sit at the table inside the apartment and eat. The soup is delicious as usual, and the warm feeling it leaves inside my stomach might just come from a dash of something Ren had sprinkled into it directly from his heart. I hope so anyway.

When we’re both finished, I’m still feeling rather miserable and I know Ren can tell. He urges me to get back in bed underneath the covers, partially wishing he would get under them with me. It must be the fever making me things ridiculous things. After getting me settled he snoops around in my bathroom momentarily before coming back out with medicine and water. I take what he gives me, exhausted beyond belief and happy to have his assistance. 

“There’s a key..under the flowerpot outside the door...you can lock up and take it.”

“You trust me with a key to your apartment?”

“I don’t want to move out of this bed to lock the damn door, so yes. I do.”

“I’ll bring it back to you in the morning. At work?”

“Don’t worry...it’s fine. I suppose I do trust you...must be the fever.” Maybe it was a bit soon to trust him with a key, but I honestly, truly did. “Thanks for the soup...and for tucking me in.”

“I told you...I take my job very seriously.”

“No you don’t. Don’t lie to me...I’m not your job.” 

“No, you’re not. Being with you is fun..and exciting...nothing at all like a job. Rest well Hux.” He presses his lips chastely to my forehead and is halfway out the doorway of my room before the butterflies have time to shoot through my body. I hear him bid Millicent a farewell, then listen to the door shut and lock as Ren takes his leave. He found the key easily enough. This isn’t exactly how I pictured I would be giving my first...significant other a key to my apartment, albeit so soon, but that’s just fine. Things never went according to plan anyway. 

\--

I return to work on Tuesday and the rest of the week is a blur of work, lunch time with Ren, and more fussing about the impending doom of my speech. Ren tries to return my key to me but i explain that it never hurts for someone else to have a spare. I’ll get another one made for the pot by the door. He brings lunch every day and tells me he doesn’t trust me to feed myself well enough while I’m recovering from my illness. I’ve actually stopped bringing food entirely at this point. Anything I make at home isn’t even close to as good as whatever Ren will surprise me with at lunch the next day. As usual, he makes me my cup of coffee when we are finished, though I feel like the time I spend with him at lunch renews me more than caffeine ever has. 

On Thursday, Snoke calls me into his office to finish briefing me on my duties. I am to drive Mitaka, Ren and myself to the city where the conference is being held. We will leave shortly after work on friday, attend the conference Saturday and Sunday, and return home Sunday night. Quite frankly, I don’t think I’ve ever dreaded anything more.

I look at Snoke as he speaks to me but my mind is elsewhere - on the speech I had prepared over the weekend. The speech that would likely change everything. 

“Do I make myself clear?”

Maybe I got a bit too lost in thought. “Yes sir. I’ll get the results you want. I won’t be disappointed”

“Yes, do not forget what is at stake here.” 

“I won’t sir”

“And Hux...the two employees you picked to join you surprised me a bit…” Nerves twist inside of my stomach.

“Mitaka is a good solid employee, but you chose my assistant, Ren Solo?”

“Yes well, I thought it would be good experience for him. He can learn from this. He doesn’t have as much experience as some of the others but that could be a good thing..”

“Ah yes, very well, I certainly agree with you there.” He looks at me almost knowingly, “Just make sure everything runs smoothly. Your career depends on it.”  
I swallow and nod, “Yes sir, will do.”

“Thank you, that is all. Good luck.” the way he says good luck certainly feels like he’s threatening me more so than wishing me well. 

After I leave the office, I head into the break room to hopefully find some recuperation in my lunch time with Ren. What I see as I enter the room, is Ren looking incredibly unhappy sitting next to Mitaka, who looks like he just sucked all of the joy out of Ren entirely. 

“Hello!” He says, nervous but cheery.

“I know you two eat in here every day, but since we’re all going away this weekend I figured I would join you today. Just to get to know you better” He looks at Ren who keeps his eyes glued to me as I sit down at the table in front of the food Ren has already heated up for me.

“You two share lunch?” He motions at the two plates of matching food. “ That’s sweet. Would you like to try some of mine?”

“No” Ren says it a bit too quickly, and it’s enough to almost wipe the smile off of Mitaka’s nervous little face. I resist the urge to snort. 

“It’s fine, thank you Mitaka. Ren likes to force me to try his food sometimes.”

“Are you two excited about the conference? I am. Bags are already packed and everything. Thank you so much for picking me to come along Sir. It’s an honor. I’ve actually never been invited to come along on a work trip before. ”

Ren and I quietly eat lunch as Mitaka babbles on. It’s annoying to constantly be reminded of this weekend. It hasn’t even begun yet and I’m already sick of thinking and hearing about it. 

“Yes, well. I hope to have everything handled with as much ease as possible so we can wrap up and get home before too late on Sunday.” I am anything but excited and it’s hard to mask my annoyance. I don’t want to offend Mitaka, but I certainly wish with every fiber of my being that he wasn’t here right now. I hope Ren at least feels similarly. I think he does, based on his body language. He’s quite easy to read. “I have an updated itinerary that I will forward to you both. We’ll leave at 4pm tomorrow afternoon.”

“Yes sir!” Mitaka looks at me with an almost renewed excitement that causes the annoyance to burn through me. By now, we’ve all finished eating, and I can tell Ren wants to make me coffee but is hesitant to do so in front of Mitaka. He seems oblivious enough, but it’s still best to err on the side of caution, especially this close to the conference. Mitaka had already seen us sharing lunch, any more displays of kindness between us might cause him to create some strange suspicion in that stupid little brain of his. 

When lunch is over and we finally part ways, Ren stays silent and deposits the dishes in the sink. I continue forcing small talk with Mitaka and we go to our desks. A little while later, Ren comes in with a cup of coffee. He walks in, makes sure nobody is looking as he places the coffee on my desk in front of me, then leans in to press his hand up against my forehead.  
“Hm..not feverish anymore. But don’t work too hard.”

I blush a bit at his touch, clearly not used to having my personal space violated without warning and attempt to shake it off, but it’s hard to with Ren gazing at me through his warm brown eyes. He had kissed me on the forehead before hadn’t he? Maybe the fever had caused me to hallucinate. 

“I won’t...Thank you for the coffee.”

He nods, forces a very small smile that I’ve noticed is special and only for me for the most part, and takes his leave. 

For some idiotic reason I immediately think to look at the bottom of my coffee mug hoping to find a sticky note from Ren there. It was so stupid and immature of us to pass notes to each other like this, but my heart jumps into my throat when I see the yellow note folded and stuck to the bottom. 

“I’m not looking forward to the conference. But I’m looking forward to spending time with you. P.S. that guy is annoying. :) -Ren” 

I can’t help but smile as I read the sticky note again before putting it with the other one. I’m certainly looking forward to spending time with him too even the situation is quite extreme. I’m so thankful that he can come along, otherwise it would likely just be me and Mitaka and some other person from the office I wouldn’t be able to trust. I sip the coffee Ren made for me and continue pushing through my piles of work. Lunch hadn’t been ideal, but Ren had still found a way to make it better.

 

At home Thursday night, I finish my preparations for the conference. My stomach is in knots and I’m not really sure if I’m thinking straight. It’s going to be difficult to sleep over the next few days so I consider it the safest Idea to have an early night. I prepare myself some dinner and create the visual part of my presentation while I eat. There really isn’t much to it. If I had been giving an actual speech I may have required an actual well-put together presentation. What I need to create now, is just something to give to my father to make him believe I’ve done the proper amount of preparation as to not give myself away. It’s easy for me to bullshit through a few slides and I’m done before it’s not too late.

I put the presentation on a flash drive, kiss the flash drive for good measure and then put it inside of my bag. Packing for these events is usually quite easy and only takes me a short while. I’ve been through all of this before, I know almost exactly what I’m going to need. My actual is typed out on notes, though I’ve committed myself to memorizing all of it, an outline already exists in my brain. It would be too risky to have such important information printed out onto paper. It could so easily fall into the wrong hands.

Over the past week I have been doing my utmost to accumulate hard evidence against my father that I will likely have to present to authorities in order to backup my claim. I’m incredibly grateful to my past self for saving these items. I may have been more cowardly in the past, but at least I had been intuitive and prepared. Seeing the documents makes me a little uneasy, and the image of handing them over to an investigator seems almost terrifying at the moment. I know what I must do, and I can’t back away from my plan at this point. Phasma believed in me, she was proud of me, and I knew Ren felt similarly. He hadn’t said it explicitly but I could certainly tell he would always be on my side. 

I arrange the documents into a manilla folder and push them into my bookshelf. I will most likely not need to take them with me, as an investigation would start only after I had made allegations against Arkanis. They would be safe and sound here until they were needed after everything had taken it’s course.

When everything is in order, I climb into bed and set my alarm for the next morning. It’s going to be a very long few days. I do my best to quell the dread that has been building in my stomach for the past few weeks and try to get some much needed rest.

\--

Work on Friday is like a blur and I have to skip lunch to assure everything is complete before we head out of town for the weekend. Ren tells me that he’s prepared some snacks for the car ride there and I am thankful that I’ll get at least something small to eat. I hardly have an appetite with so much impending doom and stress lingering over me, and I can tell it’s worrying Ren a bit. He’s certainly never seen me quite this unhinged, it’s not something I show to many people, not willingly anyway. 

We pack up the company car out of work. It’s a black toyota camry, painfully standard and simple. Mitaka sits in the back and I am pleased that Ren is in the passenger seat to my right. We’re all quite tired from the work day and the drive is relatively painless. Ren occasionally feeds me snacks from the food that he brought along and I wonder momentarily if driving is enough of an excuse to be fed by your insubordinate co worker. I’m perfectly capable of taking the food from Ren and momentarily driving with one hand, but Ren is doing that slightly awkward thing he does where he’s pushy and before I could protest he was shoving snacks into my mouth. Mitaka didn’t seem to be paying attention regardless, so I let it continue. 

As soon as we arrive at the hotel, I instruct Ren and Mitaka to go and get the keys to our rooms. My task is to meet up with my beloved father to give him the presentation and to have him brief me on anything important I needed to know in lieu of tomorrow. As always, I am nervous to see him. I’ve always been nervous around him, even when I was a little boy. I felt like that same small child now. Tired, heartbroken, holding onto his last chances of a life free of all this mess. My father is incredibly charismatic in a strange way that refuses to charm me anymore. Everyone else gets pulled around him by his enormous gravity, somehow they are all simply besotted with him. He can get away with anything, it’s so difficult to make him crack and even more difficult to convince others ill of him. 

I recall Ren saying that he hadn’t liked him from the very start. I find that interesting but my father is walking towards me and I don’t have any room in my mind for spare thoughts.

“It’s good to see you my son.”

“Yes, I’m sure it is good to see me, considering you forced me to be here.”

“Careful now, did Snoke not remind you of what it as stake here.”

“Oh yes, my entire career? I’m well aware. Please hurry up with whatever you need to tell me father.”

“Do you have the presentation?

I nod and hand my father the flash drive with the presentation I prepared the night prior.

“Good. I want you in the main conference hall at 10. We’ll network with clients and potential investors for a while, and then promptly start the presentation at 11. Understood?”

“Yes. Understood.”

“Those that accompanied you here may sit in the audience, but once you are in that room, you are a representative of Arkanis Inc and will not associate yourself with them.”

“Also understood. Anything else?”

“No, I believe that’s it” He smiles and it sets my nerves on edge in unimaginable ways. 

“Enjoy your evening, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

He gives me another long look and holds my gaze for a bit too long. It feels like he can read my mind, like he can tell I am going to try and sabotage his company tomorrow. But that’s impossible, nothing but paranoia. I need to get back to Ren and Mitaka and away from this horrible man. 

I break the stare and turn my back on my father in order to head towards the hotel lobby, where I can see Ren and Mitaka sitting in a set of couches near the concierge desk. I can see even from a distance that Ren looks completely miserable. Not entirely unusual, but I would have figured him to be in a better mood for being here with me. Mitaka just looks nervous, maybe I had made a mistake bringing these two along.

“They’ve only given us one room sir.” Mitaka spits it out quickly. Ren sits across from him, looking unamused. legs propped up on the table.

“So tell them to book us two more?” 

“...They can’t sir. They’re at full capacity. This conference has apparently exceeded the expected attendance.”

 

“We have a room with two queen beds.” Ren speaks up now. “That’s the best we could get.”

I let out an exhausted sigh. Great. Of all the horrors that were about to befall me, I had at least planned on having my own quiet room to retire to at night. 

“....Well if that’s all we can do...it can’t be helped.” 

They nod, and we head up to the room together. I am a mix of exhaustion and nerves, and I can tell that Ren is just about dying to ask me if I’m okay after that encounter with my father. I’m mostly fine of course, my faith in my plan is unshaken and as encounters with my father typically go, that one had been mild. 

Up 10 floors and down a hallway is our room When Ren opens the door and we step inside the two beds look smaller that I had previously imagined in my head as we endured our everlasting walk down that long hallway from the elevator. There’s no sofa in the room, just a giant chair in the corner, and I’m not cruel enough to force Ren or Mitaka to sleep on that. Three of us, two beds. Two of us were going to have to share. The idea of Mitaka and Ren sleeping in the same bed caused what could I could only understand to be a pang of jealousy. 

“Mitaka take a bed. Ren and I will share.”

“Are you sure sure? I really don’t mi-”

“No” Ren speaks up. “It’s fine. Hush” 

Well then. That was easy. I suppose Ren was likely on the same page as me at this point. I wonder if the thought of Mitaka and I sharing a bed had made him a bit jealous, too. 

Mitaka goes completely quiet and nods, no further questions asked. Ren doesn’t have a bit of authority over him at all, but Mitaka backs down and away easily, happy to avoid a conflict. He puts his suitcase on the floor next to his chosen bed and starts unpacking his necessities. Once he has all of his things together, he goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. Out of sight and earshot. 

Ren takes the opportunity to sit on the bed we’ll be sharing and look at me with those sad brown eyes.  
“...Are you okay?”

“I don’t know if okay is really the right word for it.. But yeah. I’m doing alright.”

“...It’s going to be okay. You’re going to do great tomorrow….fuck your dad...seriously.”

“I think...I’m more worried that I won’t be taken seriously….I know my word is true, but there are a lot of people out there that believe in my father and his business ventures. He’s a crook through and through, but nobody ever seems to see it.”

“No matter what happens, I believe you. And if they don’t take you seriously we’ll just…...make them take you seriously.”

“But how Ren?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t fucking know but I will find a way. If I can somehow find a way to figure out normal work shit, I think I can figure this out too.”

“Shh..alright...okay just….let’s get through tomorrow for now...we’ll take it from there.”

“You don’t mind sharing with me? I didn’t want to sleep alone and have you share with him.”

“Ooh jealous are we? And of course I don’t mind sharing.. I’d much rather share with you than bloody Mitaka. Just don’t kick me...or roll around too much and keep me awake.”

“I am a restless sleeper, I can’t help that.”

“Well I’ll just have to hit you over the head and knock you clear out.”

“I get frustrated sometimes when I can’t sleep, knocking me out would actually help.”

“Noted. Just don’t complain in the morning when you have a headache”

Ren smiles, and so do I. I want to get closer, but I’m afraid that Mitaka could randomly come out of the bathroom at any moment and see us, even though I can still certainly hear the shower on. 

“I’m going to get into my sleep clothes...and probably try and get some rest. You two can do what you want but….I need to be at my best tomorrow.” 

“No...I’ll sleep too, and I’m sure Mitaka isn’t planning on going out in those stupid pajamas he took into the bathroom with him.”

I snort and change into a comfortable shirt and sleep pants. Ren gets up and does the same in the corner he had deposited his suitcase in. His back is to me, and I take the opportunity to use the reflection the hotel’s room mirrors to take a look. Ren has a strange body. Tall but still muscular, yet still too skinny in certain places. ...I want to run my fingers over the protruding bones of his rib cage.  
I snap myself out of my strange fantasy, finish getting ready and wait for the bathroom to be unoccupied. Ren is laying in his spot on our bed flicking boredly through channels on the television. I want to sit next to him on the bed. To curl up at his side and rest my head on his shoulder and just let him comfort me in quiet bliss for a while. But the shower water turns off and it’s only a matter of time before we have company. I wonder if he would ever wrap his arm around me in the way I had just imagined. If only I could find out. 

When Mitaka comes out of the bathroom we both brush our teeth and finish getting ready before climbing back into bed beside each other. We both stay close to the sides we have chosen. I still find myself craving to be held. I’m not usually this affectionate or needy at all, but I am currently quite terrified of what is to come. It’s difficult to be so painfully close to the person I want to be held by and yet still not be able to get close enough to them. 

With all the lights off and the curtains drawn tightly over the window it’s dark and the quiet sounds of Mitaka’s snores can hardly be heard over the room’s loud air conditioning unit. We both turn our separate ways and close our eyes.

I find the inside of my eyelids to be nothing but a myriad of horrible predictions and scenarios that could happen tomorrow. Most of them ending badly. I roll over onto my opposite side, now facing Ren, trying to will away the uncomfortable thoughts that won’t seem to leave my brain in peace. I really should be preparing for my speech tomorrow, not wasting time with sleep. I start reciting my speech line by line in my head, pushing myself farther and farther away from the sleep I so desperately need with every single word I pull from memory. Sleeping just isn’t going to work. I let out an exhausted sigh as I push the speech to the back of my thoughts and try to fill my mind with the nothingness that will hopefully bring me sleep. Ren is still awake, and he can tell that I’m having trouble sleeping. 

“Are you okay?” His voice is a whisper, just loud enough to be heard over the air conditioning’s hum.

“..of course. I’m just not relaxed yet. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry just...go to sleep.” I whisper in reply, moving slightly closer in order to remain quiet and still have him hear me. 

“No….I can help….I want to do something…” he moves even closer, one of his hands moving under the covers to gently touch my stomach. I completely stop moving, frozen by his touch. As his hand trails lower and lower I become increasingly aware of his intention. Ren is touching me. It’s not that it surprises me...this is just...risky. Here. In this hotel room, with a coworker only a few feet away. I’m suddenly not sure if I can trust myself to stay quiet enough to do something like this with Ren for the first time in such a situation.

I don’t stop him. As his long fingers drift gently over my cock, it feels incredible, causing a shiver up my spine and a warm sensation to bloom within me . I’ve wanted this for a while now and I hadn’t even realized how much I needed it, But now Ren had given this to me and I don’t want him to stop, I want him to continue to help me feel this way - a welcome change to the nerves I have been feeling so much of recently. In this moment I can only think about Ren stroking me slowly under the covers, so quietly in the darkness and I find myself needing to bite my lip in order to keep quiet. 

This almost feels like a challenge, just as many things with Ren so often did. It was a test for ren to see how close he can push me to the edge without pushing me over it and a test me to control myself enough to accept his attention and enjoy myself for once. 

Ren moves closer quietly, his head is on my pillow now and my cock is in his hand and he’s stroking me slowly, so slowly as I grow harder. My breath comes out it soft quick pants and I hope I’m already not making too much noise, we had only really just begun. He pushes his forehead against mine and stops his touches for a moment, almost teasingly brushing his thumb over the head of my cock as he silently asks my permission to continue. 

“Don’t stop...please...Ren..” I whisper it quietly to him through the darkness. 

“Okay.. I won’t” he whispers back and takes my permission to slide his hands under the waistband of my pants, touching me with so much care I’m almost surprised that someone as awkward and clumsy as Ren is capable of such warmth and gentleness. I haven’t been touched in ages….hadn’t even touched myself in ages. The feeling is glorious and I wish I could moan into Ren’s cheek in pleasure to assure him he’s doing a wonderful job, but I have to resist. Not this time. Another time...just stay quiet and enjoy this. 

He snakes one hand up underneath my neck, threading the fingers of his right hand through my hair as he continues to stroke me with his left. I press closer, pushing my face into Ren’s neck as I pant softly against his skin in pleasure. His hands are rough and large and steady and the way his touch sets my entire body on fire is almost overwhelming.

It builds inside of me like a super nova, each rhythmic stroke of Ren’s hand bringing me closer to release. I cling to him as I come, it’s all I can do to keep from making a sound. He holds me close, pumping me dry slowly with the same gentle touches he had teased me with before. 

My head is spinning, my body almost already craving more, wanting to experience more of this magical thing Ren has to offer. But it’s late, and I realize how exhausted I am now as he pulls away slowly, giving me some space as my breathing returns to normal. We lie there in silence. It’s dark, but I can still make out the shape of Ren’s body language through his silhouette now my eyes have adjusted. He’s pleased with himself. He’s been wanting to do that for some time as well. My face feels incredibly flushed at the idea of my come smeared between the sheets of this hotel bed. 

“Sleep now” he says so softly, I almost think I’m hearing things.

“You too. Goodnight Ren” 

“Goodnight Hux” 

I want him to kiss me. I want him to kiss me and tell me that tomorrow is going to be okay, but he doesn’t we can’t. Not now. Not here. In this dark hotel room with a coworker feet away. I reach out for him and find his hand, still a bit sticky with my cum. I really couldn’t care. He presses his hand closer and closes his fingers around mine. I’m not sure when I fall asleep, but I do. Much more quickly than usual. Ren always had found a way to put me back together when I was in pieces. And he had done it yet again.


	7. Ren - Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A speech, a phone call, and a horrible secret.

I wake up in the morning with my hand still pressed to Hux’s. I usually toss and turn a lot in the night but it’s as though my subconscious desire to stay connected to Hux has allowed me to sleep well for once.

It’s still dark, probably a good hour or two before any of us needs to think about getting up. The hotel clock indicates that it’s just past 5 in the morning and the sun has already begun to rise, glowing a dull blue through the gaps in the curtains. It’s enough to light up Hux’s face as he sleeps next to me, so peacefully. I’m glad that he wanted me here to support him and I know he’s going to be fine no matter what happens today. That’s the sort of person Hux was, he didn’t let things destroy him and today would be no different.

I let go of his hand carefully and move a bit closer. As if on cue he stirs from his sleep, disturbed by my movement, but precedes to move into my arms with a sleepy sigh. I wrap them tightly around him and hold him close protectively for a moment. I wish I could stay this way, wish I could protect him from the burden of the presentation and speech that he would have to complete today, but I know it’s too risky with Mitaka so close. If the other man was to see us cuddled together like this it would be nearly impossible to explain away. Not to mention Hux really didn’t need any additional stress. We pull apart after a little while and I let him go easily, he turns his back to me and we both fall asleep once again. I hope that I was able to offer him at least some sort of comfort.

\--

When the sun has risen completely and it’s time to get up and begin the day, Hux has already gotten up, showered and managed to get completely dressed. The scent of his soap permeates the air as the warm shower humidity flows out into the room. He’s standing now in front of the mirror next to the small hotel closet and fixing his hair into its usual neat style. He’s wearing black dress pants with a black collared shirt. His tie is white and his face is still slightly flushed from the heat of the shower. I wish I could place a kiss on his cheek.

Mitaka is also awake, but he showered last night which gives me full access to the bathroom for a while. I get my clothing and other toiletries I’d be needing out of my suitcase and start my morning routine. Nobody in the room has said a word to each other yet. I would like to talk to Hux, but it feels slightly out of place in front of Mitaka, who has been quietly minding his own business for the most part. So after I collect what I need, I slide past Hux and into the bathroom.

It’s hard not to think about what I did to Hux last night under the covers and sheets as the hot water pours onto me and the smell of his soap still lingers in the air. It’s exciting to think that he hadn’t pulled away, that he had wanted my touch, that I had teased him and pleasured him and made him come; and exciting all the more that he had briefly let me hold him this morning. These were huge advancements in our relationship and I was anxious to experience more.

Once the three of us have finished getting ready for the day, we make our way downstairs. Hux asks Mitaka to go and get the three of us coffee and he obeys willingly, scurrying over to the area where breakfast is being served. I grab a pastry and notice Hux is likely too nervous to eat. I’d have to make sure to remedy that when this was all said and done.

We sit together at a table and wait for Mitaka to return, no mention of what happened between us last night is uttered as we sit there in silence. Hux’s eyes focus on the conference attendees as they walk by in their snazzy black suits and briefcases, heading into the main event room where he would be giving his presentation shortly. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I can imagine how I’d be feeling in a similar situation. My urge to comfort him is great. I yearn to reach across the table and hold his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze, however down here, in the middle of the conference, we have to stay completely professional.

The hotel was on the fancier end, with tall ceilings and expensive looking furniture scattered throughout the lobby. Just down the hallway from where we currently sat was where the actual conference was being held, with a large room assigned as the “main event hall” where we needed to go. For now we were safe and able to relax in the comfort of the hotel’s small cafe, but time was passing much too quickly for my liking. The cafe and surrounding area are bustling with people attempting to cure themselves of exhaustion with their coffee and pastries and I do my best not to pay attention to the sheer volume of people that seem to be in attendance here.

Mitaka returns with three cups of coffee precariously balanced in his hands. I instantly sense impending disaster as I see his slightly awkward strides, dodging other attendees to make his way over to us. He approaches Hux from behind, and to both of our dismay, is knocked slightly in the shoulder by someone passing by. In slow motion, the three cups seem to leap out of his hands and pour the scalding hot brown liquid all over Hux, who had been deep in thought and hadn’t expected to be showered in coffee. He winces in pain as the hot coffee comes in contact with his skin and immediately stands in shock at the entire situation. His pristine white tie is now stained an awful pale brown, splotches of coffee still noticeable even on his black jacket, wet and dark and scattered across his shoulders.

Mitaka stands there in absolute disbelief, and my first instinct is to find the napkins immediately in an attempt to clean Hux up before the coffee stained his clothes. I find them easily and return to the table, where Mitaka stands looking absolutely mortified as Hux shouts at him in frustration in anger.

“You had one Job. One fucking job and you still managed to fuck that up. Why did I even bring you along? Useless...Completely useless.”

I’ve never in my life seen a grown man so close to tears, and somehow, nothing but pity rises to the surface of my emotions. I gently put a hand on Hux’s shoulder in an attempt to silently calm him down a bit. It works, and I feel his shoulders relax slightly underneath my touch. When his gaze meets mine, all sense of anger is gone, and nothing but desperation remains.  
“Bathroom. Now.” I lift up the large stack of napkins I had retrieved to show him and he nods. We need water to fix this, not just dry napkins. The smell of coffee is sickening as it permeates the air around poor Hux. This was everything that wasn’t supposed to happen. Mitaka stays behind, completely defeated and distraught at his mistake. Being clumsy as I am, I understand how awful it is to cause damage so accidentally.

We find a bathroom and thankfully it’s empty. It’s big enough for 20 or so stalls and equipped with enough paper towels and soap to at least attempt to right this wrong. Thanks to the Hotel’s more upscale design, the bathroom is quite fancy as well with fancy smelling soaps and thick paper towels aplenty. I ask Hux to sit down on one of the couches just inside the door in a small rest area adjacent to the sinks. He hasn’t said a word since we left the table, and he now stares blankly at his shoes, hunched over and looking deeply worried as I get some paper towels wet with soapy water and approach him.  
“Let’s get the jacket off first...” I take a seat at his side and gently unbutton it for him before sliding it off of his shoulders and laying it down next to us. It was a nice, professional touch to wear a jacket, but wasn’t all that necessary. The real problem was Hux’s snazzy white tie which was now bathed in horrible, stale coffee.

“This is just..a sign. Maybe I shouldn’t do this at all.”

“No. You have no reason to stop now. It’s just a bit of coffee.”

“It’s not just a bit of coffee. It got fucking everywhere. It’s all I can smell. I’ll never drink that awful stuff again I swear to fucking god.”

“I’ll hold you to that when we get back to the office on Monday”

“What...when I’m fired?”

“...You don’t know if that’s going to happen. Snoke may have no idea any of this fraud stuff is going on...he might be relieved that one of his employees exposed it all?”

“Highly unlikely that a friend as close to my father as Snoke wouldn’t know of his scheme. Why did I even bring that useless moron with me?”

“...because he’s your friend, and by the look on his face when we left the table, he’s very fucking sorry. So just....look at me for a moment okay?”  
It was odd for me to show any compassion to others but it was necessary to direct Hux’s anger away from Mitaka and back at his father. I do my best to dab up the wet coffee staining Hux’s tie while it’s still pressed flat against his chest, then carefully untie it for him, undoing the top button of his shirt to give him a bit of room to breathe. With the jacket and tie gone, I am able to see the red splotchy burns on Hux’s neck where the coffee had scalded him. It looks painful, so I get a few more paper towels wet with the cold water from the tap and press them gently against his burns.

“You’ve come here on a mission. To do something you’ve been wanting to do for ages. Are you really going to let some spilled coffee ruin your plans Hux? That doesn’t seem like you at all. Hold these in place so I can deal with your tie.” He presses his hand on top of where mine has the cold wet napkins held to his neck, and I carefully slide my hand out from underneath his. It tugs at my heart more than I even thought was possible to see him this way. He’s usually so proud and confident, but it’s easy to see that literally anything to do with his father’s company, even miscellaneous spilled coffee, is enough to knock him down a few levels.

“It’s just..fucking typical isn’t it? I did not need this today.”

I leave his side to momentarily rinse his white tie off in the sink, but to my dismay, the coffee has already seethed deep into the fabric. There’s no way Hux can look professional wearing it. I lay the ruined tie in the sink and remove my signature black tie from around my neck.  
“It’s not typical. It’s random and shitty and it fucking sucks that it happened at all, but this is so small and insignificant in comparison so the great things you’re about to do.”

He looks at me, softly almost, and I can feel his sadness breaking apart as my words echo through his mind. I take the wet napkins away from his neck, toss them into the garbage and lean in to kiss the burns there ever so gently. Hux’s holds his breath for a moment in surprise, though he had been intimate the night prior, we hadn’t exactly spent too much time being sweet and affectionate. Without saying a word, I position that black tie around his neck and tie it into a perfectly formed knot.

“You really think this will all work out okay? Truly?”

I place my hands on either side of his face, which is flushed a bit red in embarrassment and anger, and stroke his cheek with my thumb.

“I’ve never believed in anyone like I believe in you. I’m honestly, truly sure you could do anything you put your mind to. Let’s start over...from the beginning...this never happened. The day starts right now.”

And with that, I lean in to press a kiss to his lips for the first time. I feel him melt a bit under my hands and decide to remove them from his cheeks that are now flushed with something other than anger entirely, and wrap them around his shoulders from where I sit next to him on the couch, which feel so much smaller than they had looked underneath the shoulder pads his jacket offered. In return, he wraps his arms around me and we hold each other just for a moment, finding a comfortable peace before the impending storm that was on the horizon.

“...thank you Ren...and here I thought I hated this bloody tie. I should have known it would be my saving grace eventually. That’s always how it seems to work with you.”

“Hey...it’s a good tie. Black goes with everything.”

“Except with coffee.”

“Expect coffee.” I agree, smile, and kiss him briefly one more time before I pull away. It’s almost time for Hux’s speech and we have little time to waste after spending so much of our breakfast in the bathroom cleaning up. Hux checks the time and sighs heavily.

“I need to go meet my father and get set up. If you would, please relay this message to Mitaka when you see him.” he clears his throat, “You are an imbecile and a clumsy git and I’ll rip your dick straight off of your body if you ever do anything like this again.”

This earns him a snort from me and I nod “Consider it done.”

“...give me one more kiss.”

So I do and it’s more tender this time than before. Hux parts his lips slightly to invite me in, and I push the kiss deeper just for a moment, trying to instill all my confidence and faith in him through the soft sensation.

“Good luck. I’ll be right here for you when this is all over.”

“I know you will.....I think that’s what makes it all okay.”

He pulls away and exits the bathroom, I retrieve his discarded jacket and tie and return them to our room before finding Mitaka, who is standing against the wall in the back of the main event hall, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. I approach him and he jumps a bit, which makes me laugh internally. Between Hux and I, the poor guy really couldn’t catch a break.

“...is he mad at me?”

“Oh yeah.”

“It was an accident I swear, I would never do such a thing on purpose.”

“Yeah well...you fucked up pretty bad, but it’ll be okay. In the grand scheme of things, that was nothing but a small inconvenience.” And I got a kiss out of it, but I suppose I’ll keep that part to myself.

Mitaka sighs, I don’t feel remorse for the things I’ve said, and I’ll spare him the mortification of hearing Hux’s message to him. For now at least.

The main event hall is absolutely packed full of important looking men and women, whether or not they were truly anyone important was beyond me, but the fact that they all looked pretentious and attentive made my stomach turn a bit. I would rather die than have to stand up in front of them as Hux would have to do shortly. I did not envy him at all, yet still retained complete confidence in him as I had promised I always would.

After a short while, the lights are dimmed and Brendol approaches the podium, knocking the mic gently with his finger a few times in test before flooding the room with his voice.

“Ladies and Gentleman, thank you sincerely for joining us today. We have a very special presentation just for you by none other than my beloved son.” He motions towards Hux is makes his way on stage as well. All nerve and composure, no sign of the fear and uncertainty he’d shown in the bathroom just moments ago. Everyone in the room applauds for him, and I find myself following suit.

“On behalf of Arkanis Incorporated, we hope you will enjoy what we have to offer you, not only opportunity but in success as well. I now turn the mic over to my son, whom I know will do a splendid job at showing you all Arkanis has to offer.”

More applause, and with that Hux takes the podium over from his father. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he begins to speak.

“Today, I have been asked to stand before you and present to you a company that stands for order, prosperity and opportunity, A company that you can trust for stability in your investments, an environment where “high risk” loses its meaning entirely, because no risk you take with them will ever result in loss. A venture where every opportunity brings success.

“I am the son of CEO and Founder Brendol Hux and today I am going to tell you about Arkanis Incorporated.” He pauses here, taking a small breath before continuing as if the air itself had some sort of power to help him through.

“ For about 5 years now...my father has fooled hundreds of investors into throwing their money into his personal bank account. This company is built on nothing but lies and fraud, and why I’m really here today is to take down something that I have despised from the very moment of its inception.”

Even from the back of the room and in the limited lighting, I can see the color drain from Brendol’s face. His facade of beloving father melting away as quickly as he had been able to put it on. He stays where he is however, letting his son continue. I wonder if he knows he’s defeated, or if he has some sort of plan.

“I was told of Arkanis Incorporated. When I still worked for my father’s prior company, Empire Financial. I knew of my father’s ill intentions and when I addressed them to him I was fired. Removed from the company entirely. Today...my father has forced me to be here and speak on his behalf, in hopes that the appearance of his son would make Arkanis Incorporated seem more positive to you, the good people attending this conference. I am not an employee of Arkanis Inc., but even still my career is currently on the line to by telling you this right now. I merely can no longer put on the happy facade I was asked to display --- and let my father trample on the very idea of justice, honor, and integrity. The pillars upon which all business stands.”

The room grows a bit louder now as the attendees discuss this among one another. This unexpected drama was likely entertaining for those not personally involved.

“I have proof. Actual statements, reports and official documents that prove my father, and Arkanis Incorporated guilty of this scheme….and will take the necessary precautions to turn this documentation and evidence over to authorities upon my return home.”  
With this, he changes the slides projected on the screen to a series of telling reports, scans of documents and other incriminating evidence. The crowd continues to grow louder, but Hux’s voice remains clear and strong.

“ I can only hope that you will heed my warning and listen to what I’ve said today. Investing your money into Arkanis Incorporated. will only continue to feed my father’s fraudulent scheme and do nothing but deepen his pockets. Take your money elsewhere. Invest where you please, but don’t fall victim to this scheme that has already rendered so many clients penniless.”

“When I leave here. I will likely lose my job...and my father has threatened to ruin my reputation in my home city, crushing my chances at finding a new job somewhere else in an attempt to get me to obey. But I can no longer be trampled by injustice, disorder, and unfairness. It is time to take a stand against this loathsome company, and the man I regret to say is my own flesh and blood.

“Thank you and good day.”

With that, Hux gives his father one last look of pride before marching off the stage and down the center aisle towards the back of the room where Mitaka and I stand. Brendol immediately gets back behind the podium, still with the same air of confidence and swagger he always seemed to have. How could he? After his own son had torn him and his company to shreds in front of a crowd of at least a thousand.

“Well that definitely wasn’t expected, and you’ll have to forgive my son for his...slanderous approach to this presentation. He must be feeling a bit under the weather. Brendol Hux laughs, of all things, laughs into the microphone and the crowd laughs as well “ Hux is now close enough that I can see his features, his composure is completely gone as the laughter swirls around him. He looks at me, commanding us to exit the event hall and follow him out. We both obey. When we get outside of the room, Brendol Hux’s antagonizing voice can still be heard in the hallway. All three of us stand there and listen.

“Family relationships can be difficult at times, and I hope you’ll forgive my poor son for this embarrassment. I’ll continue the rest of the correct presentation as scheduled. And I believe you will find my son’s harmful words to be anything but true.”

“That. Fucking. Bastard.” Hux’s desperation quickly turns to anger while his father continues on with the presentation as if Hux had said nothing at all. And the people in there, all of those people had laughed at him mockingly in tandem with his awful fucking father. This literally couldn’t have gone worse for him and I was currently at complete odds on how best to help. I decide in the moment to take Hux’s hand, not particularly caring if Mitaka found it strange at this point. I had an idea, something I had thought of in anticipation of this and hoped deep down to my very core that it would be enough to at least save Hux the humiliation he had just endured.

\--

Word of Hux’s betrayal had reached Snoke within hours of the presentation, and he demanded we all return immediately, not an extra day was to be spent at the conference. The drive home felt heavy and unbearable, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap Hux up in my arms and hold him close. Mitaka drove while he sulked in the back. I would have sat with him if I could.

This gave me plenty of time to think however, and I organized the ideas in my messy head to where I could figure out exactly what I needed to do. I hadn’t called my parents in ages, but I mentally committed to taking that initiative as soon as I returned home. Rey was out, so I thankfully didn’t have to explain why I was back a day early.  
I pushed away the nerves in the pit of my stomach and dialed the number I knew by heart.

Ring....ring...ring...

“Hello?”

“Hey...Dad...it’s me.”

“Ben? Well, my god, I wasn’t expecting a call from you anytime soon. Are you dying? What’s the occasion?”

“Can you give me to mom please?”

“Eh, you always want her hm? Don’t have anything to say to your old dad?”

“Look this is..really actually important. Honestly. I really need to talk to mom please. We can catch up some other time...I promise” I lied. My father was no Brendol Hux, but he did know how to rub me the wrong way at times.

“Alright one sec, Gotta go find her.”

The line goes silent for a moment before I can hear the quiet mumbles of my parent’s distant conversation as my dad passes me along.

“Ben, sweetheart. Is everything alright?”

“For me, yes. Just so you don’t worry but...I need to talk to you about something and it’s really important to me.”

“Of course, just give me a moment, let me step away so you can have my full attention.”

I take that short moment to compose my thoughts. My mother works for the local government back in my hometown and has close ties and connections to not only the Department of Labor but also the FBI, both of which might come in handy in this current predicament. I hardly ever called home, hated calling home quite frankly, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and when my mother’s voice returned in my ear, it held nothing but warmth and acceptance.

“Alright, I’m all ears.”

“Long story short one of my....colleagues uncovered some illegal activity in a company, tried to expose them, and has been ridiculed. He has proof...real proof that his allegations are true, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to be fired.”

“Well...this isn’t exactly what I was expecting. This is a friend of yours I’m guessing?”

“Yes.....a friend, and correct me if I’m wrong but...they can’t do that can they? Fire him like that, for trying to expose the truth?”

“They can, I’m afraid, but with more details I might be able to communicate this to some of my contacts at the FBI where you are...a fraud investigation would be huge though Ben. You need to be completely sure this is what your friend wants to do.”

“..I haven’t told him I was contacting you yet. I haven’t seen him since...” I sigh and figure it’s best to just let it all out, unable to hide my true emotions from my mother as usual. She listens quietly as I retell the story, still keeping the fact that Hux and I were...a bit beyond friends a secret from her. She didn’t need to know that part. She listens just as she always has, reacting appropriately to the parts in my story that caused anger to flow through me all over again.

“Alright, Okay. I think I know how to handle this. But you’re going to have to bring me these documents that your friend is holding onto. The ones that prove his allegations as true. We can go together to the headquarters to file fraud report....the FBI will take it from there. But it’s going to be messy, especially for your friend, so you need to make sure he’s completely on board with this.”

“He stood up in front of a huge group of people and tried to expose this company...I don’t think he’s going to go back on his decision now.”

“Well. That’s good then. Next weekend come home? And bring him with you. I’ll make dinner and we can plan our next steps.”

Dinner?...with Hux and my family? That wasn’t going to be weird at all. But once again, desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Now...tell me, how are /you/? You can’t expect to give me a call and use my connections and not give me an update on your life.”

“I’m fine, really. This whole ordeal is my entire life right now. I work with this guy so it’s constant, and work is probably going to suck without him so.

“..oh? well, surely you can stay in touch with him regardless.”

“Well...yeah but...” I could sense that my mother suspected more of my relationship with Hux already, and she hadn’t even seen us together. Having dinner was going to be an absolute nightmare, but helping Hux out was worth it. “I’m really tired mom...we can catch up at the weekend when I visit, okay?”

“Alright, alright but I’m going to hold you to that. I’ll make your favorite.”

“No don’t...I don’t want Hux to taste how good yours is...he’ll compare it to mine.”

“...you cook for him?” I can almost hear the smile on her face.

“I just...make lunch and bring it to work and we share...that’s all.” Not like I made it for him on our first date or anything. Dear god Ren hold yourself together.

“Alright well, I’ll figure something out...Aim for 5. I don’t know what time you’ll have to leave but I trust you can take care of that?”

“Yes...I’m gonna go now okay?

“Try and Relax Ben...we’ll take care of all this together. It’s good to hear your voice.”

“Bye mom.”

“Bye sweetheart, love you.”

  
Maybe I should have returned the I love you....but it would have been out of character.

It’s been a long time since I uttered those words to anyone at all.

\--

Work on Monday was just as brutal as I anticipated it would be. Hux was called into Snoke’s office immediately, the door was shut behind him and I could only imagine how utterly terrifying it would feel to be in Hux’s place right now. When he came out his face was pale and his eyes were bloodshot and it obviously had not been good news. He was given a box to collect his things and escorted out, unable to even utter a word of goodbye to anyone in the office, myself included. That was fine, I had his number.

I let him be for the rest of the day, understanding his need for space in this awful time. To have told the truth only to be mocked and fired; It really was disgusting how injustice knew no bounds. As soon as I got home from work I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.

R: You at home right now?  
He replies back almost immediately, making me feel a bit guilty for waiting so long to text him in the first place.  
H: Of course. Nowhere else to go.  
R: Good. Stay put.

Without hardly thinking at all I’m halfway down the stairs and on my way to the nearest flower shop like the sentimental piece of shit I am. I pride myself in being anything but conventional when it comes to relationships, but in this moment, I just want to give Hux absolutely any reason at all to feel a bit better. I pick out a small bouquet of red roses, finding everything else a bit too garish for either of our tastes and make my way to his apartment.

I don’t tell him I’m coming, only because I’d like for it to be a surprise, when he opens the door I can smell the wine on his breath. It’s hardly past seven in the evening.

“What are you doing here?”

“What do you think I’m doing here?” I offer him the flowers, he turns a bit redder and snatches them from me.

“idiot..what are these?”

“All these questions...can’t I just be here to cheer you up?”

“They’re too pretty, I don’t deserve them.”

“Oh shut up and take them and let me in. Is there any wine left for me?”

“How’d you know I was drinking wine?”

“I can smell it on you...and it makes sense after what happened today.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Then we don’t have to talk, but I’m here....so at least let me in.”

Hux steps back and welcomes me into his apartment. I see the almost empty bottle of wine on the table and take it upon myself to pour a glass. At this point, I probably should have brought him pizza instead of flowers, something greasy and delicious to soak up the alcohol in his stomach, but I could always go out and get him something, or even rummage through his fridge to try and cook something for the both of us if the situation required it.

I sit down on the couch where Hux has currently plopped himself. He talks first, words slightly lazy and slurred as they pass over his tongue.

“I knew this was going to happen, yet it’s still surprising to me somehow.”

“...I have some news that you might want to know..”

“Is it bad news? Because I’ve had quite enough of that today.”

“No, if anything it’s good news...just listen to me okay? Are you too drunk for that?”

“Shut up and spit it out Ren.”

“..Okay fine, my mother might be able to help you get to the FBI in order to kick start an investigation in Arkanis Inc. If you’d be willing to.”

“......an investigation? You really think we have enough information to start one?”

“Of course, I do...if you really have the evidence, we just need to get it to the right people and I’ve already asked my mother. She’s agreed to help.”

“Ren...you didn’t have to do that..it’s a lost cause.”

“But it isn’t...you have legitimate claims against your father’s company. If you wanted to take him down at the conference, what’s the difference in taking him down this way?”

“Investigations are so complicated...now that I’ve gone through all this mess I almost just want to wash my hands of it all. Nobody is ever going to believe me over my father.”

“That’s not true! It doesn’t have to end this way. My mother is willing to help and I think we should at least see where that takes us”

“What would it require of me?”

“Well, just for starters, you need to get together all of the documents and proof you have. We’re going to have dinner with my family and-”

“Dinner with your family???”

“Yes..well..that’s what my mother suggested, that’s just her style. Play along and it’ll be fine.”

He sighs and massages the bridge of his nose, then downs the rest of the glass of wine in his other hand. I wonder what number that is and speed my rate of drinking up a bit as well. It’s quite strong, whatever it is and I can already feel the head rising from my stomach to my chest.

“..Alright. I’ll do it. but if this doesn’t work I’m done. Okay? Done. Finished. Fuck it all. I don’t care.”  
I was never the type to give up, and really didn’t think Hux was either, but I’d let him say whatever he wanted in this moment for dramatics. I knew how it felt to be pushed this low and sympathized with his feelings of helplessness. He wasn’t alone though, he had me, and together we’d get through this, just as my mother had said.

Hux opens another bottle and after we’ve finished the first completely and I have a few more glasses of wine. I help Hux with his own as well, taking a few sips from his whenever I found him distracted (I really didn’t want him to end up sick. I had a very hard time taking care of drunk friends, boyfriends, whatever we are?)

“Um....I have a question.”

“Spit it out then.”

“What are we?”

“Humans.”

“No...like.....what are we” I motion vaguely in between us as my words fall from my lips, slightly slurred. The distance that separates us has grown smaller and smaller with each and every sip of wine.

“Not coworkers anymore.”

“No...we’re not, so. Maybe we can make the most of that?”

“Ask me again when I’m sober.” He takes another sip of wine, “But yes. I think that would be just fine...making the most of…. this?”

Hux’s eyes reach mine and they’re softer and sadder than I’ve ever remembered them being. It causes anger to build in my chest, that someone so important to me can be feeling so horrible. It made me feel helpless. But I wasn’t helpless, not at all. I was going to get Hux through this and help him conquer his demons. That was my true job now, my purpose.

I set my wine down on the coffee table to our right and gently pry Hux’s fingers from his own glass. I then move closer still. Sliding one arm between him and the couch, pulling him nearer as I lean in to pepper his cheeks with small, soft kisses.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to make you feel better. Why do you ask so many questions all the time? Can’t you just let me help you?”

“I don’t like needing to be helped. I don’t like feeling like a charity case.”

“I’m not doing any of this because you’re a charity case...I’m doing this because..”

“Because why?”

“...ask me when I’m sober.”

I close the distance between us now and kiss him like I wish I could have for so long. I’m not sure why I waited such a while to take that step and knew I had basically ruined our true first kiss by doing it in a hotel bathroom. Hux deserved so much better than that.  
Now here we are, drunk and upset and desperate, it really wasn’t much better than before. Perhaps one day we’d get one of those fairytale first kisses. Until then, everything extra was just a consolation prize. Hux relaxes in my arms as I push his lips apart and enter his mouth, caressing his tongue with my own. He tastes like wine and something else, something I can’t place but I love it and want more. Perhaps it’s just Hux’s particular taste, and I wonder if he feels the same way about kissing me. I think he must as he lies back onto the couch and tugs me on top of him, a bit clumsily but it works well enough.

Our kisses multiply in intensity every second and I find myself unable to prevent my hands from sliding underneath Hux’s sweater, caressing the soft skin of his tummy. I love the way he feels all over, every part of him excites me in a different way and I want nothing more than to figure out what makes him tick. He’s hard, as I grind down into him subconsciously. This enables me to notice that we both are aroused actually, and the friction causes a quiet moan to escape Hux’s swollen pink lips.

“Make me feel better...Ren...heal me.”  
I feel the heat rise to my cheeks hearing Hux’s quiet voice murmur my name in such a suggestive tone. It’s almost as if he’s pleading, begging.  
Hux has absolutely always been gorgeous to me, with his soft, vibrant hair, sharp blue eyes, and perfectly formed lips, but the alcohol in my system makes his beauty even more pertinent somehow. I push the sweater he’s wearing up and over his head then precede to suck and bite a few dark hickeys into his neck. It doesn’t matter if they’re visible at this point and frankly, I’m too intoxicated to plan for such things. I want everyone to know that he’s mine anyway.

With each mark I claim his body a little more, coaxing soft moans out of his lips as I kiss my way down his chest, sucking tenderly on one nipple and then the other, as I continue to grind out hips together. Both of our cocks are painfully hard now, and the alcohol makes it quite difficult to stop. I want more, I want all of him. He unbuttons my shirt and removes it and wraps his arms around my neck as we kiss passionately. It’s hot and primal and intense and my erection throbs with need. We undress each other unceremoniously and continue, falling back into our passionate kissing. With one hand I hold both of our cocks together and move my hips just enough to force the sensitive skin can slide together. This causes us both to moan deliciously against each other's lips.

“F-fuck you’re huge.” I can’t help but feel my ego inflate a bit.

“Do you want me?...I’m all yours, you know.” He reaches up and threads his fingers through my hair, tugging less than gently as a wave of pleasure passes through him.

“Y-yes..please...fuck me Ren...

I don’t have lubricant, but in my drunken idiocy insert two of my fingers into Hux's mouth past his pretty pink lips which are now quite swollen from our almost desperate kissing. He sucks on them gingerly, pressing his tongue seductively against the pads of my fingers as I push them a bit deeper into his throat. I move them in and pull them out slowly a few times, enjoying the warm sensation and expression of pleasure as Hux happilly sucks the digets a bit deeper. When I’m satisfied with how wet and slick they are, I remove them from Hux's mouth position myself so I can press my index finger slowly into his entrance, his saliva just enough lubricant to work one of my fingers inside.

“w-wait!”

He takes a few shaky breaths and buries his face into the crook of my neck. I freeze completely, our cocks still naked and touching, sandwiched in between our flushed bodies. I slowly remove my finger from his entrance and settle next to him on the couch. The fear in Hux’s voice is beyond concerning to me.

“I...I don’t want to do this....not like this...not like...” He sounds ashamed, unsure of himself, and so very small. It almost pains me to see him this way after I wanted nothing more than to bring him immense pleasure.

“Shh...it’s okay. We can stop.” I kiss him so tenderly and hold him to my chest, perhaps he just doesn’t want our first time together to be under the influence of alcohol...and I understand.

“I-I’m sorry I just...” his words are slightly slurred and his voice is far more emotional than usual. I mentally scold myself for taking advantage of him like this. I should have done better. Hux was worth so much more than drunken first times on living room couches.

“You don’t need to be sorry...would you like to get cleaned up?...maybe we could..shower and get in bed? You’ve had a long day...”

He nods and continues to cling to me for just a bit longer. We stay that way for quite a while before I kiss his eyelids and pull away.

“Stay right here...I’ll go run the water and help you get clean.” I lean in to kiss him lovingly once again before making my way to the bathroom and doing as I had promised. Hux appears in the bathroom doorway a few moments later, his skin is flushed but the expression on his face is one of embarrassment and sadness. My only instinct is to wrap my arms around him and hold him close once again. He presses his face into my shoulder and stays that way, leaning exhaustedly against me as steam fills up the bathroom, signaling that the water is ready.

“...I’m sorry..that happened...I can explain.”

“I don’t need an explanation at all...please don’t worry.”

I step into the water to make sure it won't scald Hux's pale skin, then reach out to him through the curtain, beckoning him to join me under the warm shower stream.

“No..no I want you to know.”

He lets me pull him into the shower and the warm water does wonders to relax his tense shoulders. I continue to stay close as Hux talks over the noise the water makes as it cascades over us and runs down the cold tile walls.

“...my father used to...set me up with clients that were interested in me....to further business relationships with them.”

My stomach turns anxiously and I feel slightly sick at hearing this news. Everything about Hux was so precious to me, how dare anyone abuse him in such a horrible way? The fact that his own father had put him up to such a task only made the situation so much more painful. I was starting to realize how truly awful Hux's life had been. It went so far beyond fraud, his dignity had been ripped from him, too.

“Fuck..seriously? I might kill him next time I see him. If I ever have the displeasure of seeing him again.” I knew I'd most likely have to see Brendol again, and the idea that he was out there right now succeeding at being absolutely deplorable in every way did nothing but fuel the anger inside of me. We simply had to take him down.

“No...he’s not worth it...It all happened a long time ago..I guess I’m just...still a little messed up from it. I would drink quite a lot beforehand...just to make it all easier to get through. Most of them were disgusting and incredibly rude. It made me feel like I was nothing but an accessory to my father, not the son I so desperately wanted to be. He used me, and he didn't even care when I would tell him how much the situation upset me. He told me it was for the good of the company and therefore, worth my misery. ”

“...I am so..so sorry for bringing back those memories....please know I will never, ever hurt you....or force you to do anything you don’t want...even if we never got intimate, I’d be just fine with that.”

“I don’t think I’m that fucked up....and I do want you I just..need a bit more time I suppose.”

“I’m not going anywhere....and I’m quite patient”

“Good...well...thank you, Ren"

“You don’t have to thank me for doing the right thing....I..care so much for you. I want it all to be perfect.”

“It will be...it already is.”

I stroke his cheek and kiss him with all the adoration I can muster, even more determined now to destroy Brendol Hux and all he stood for. He grabs the soap and begins washing both of us, then suddenly takes notice of my erection, still heavy and hard. Hux silently wraps his hand around it and strokes me slowly, the soap and water make it easy work.

“Y-You don’t have to...it’s fine..”

“Hush...I want to...this is okay...let me at least do this for you.”

I put a hand against the shower wall to steady myself, the other wraps around Hux’s waist and holds him near as he strokes me - tantalizingly slowly and with so much care and attention, just like everything else Hux ever did. He has me moaning almost instantaneously and I crush our lips together in a few heated kisses as he does his work. It doesn’t take long before I come into his hand, my quiet cry of pleasure still echoing against the shower wall. He looks proud of himself and has every reason to be..nobody has ever made me feel as wonderful as he does.

Hux washes the come and soap off of his hand under the shower stream and allows me to carefully continue washing the rest of his body, finishing with his gorgeous red hair. He does the same for me, cleaning me tenderly while I lean in to gently kiss his forehead and cheeks. It’s innocent now but still makes me feel so very warm inside. We both seem considerably sobered up, brought back to reality by the gravity of the situation we both found ourselves in.

“Let’s get out...get dried up, and then I’ll make us something to eat before bed.”

Hux nods and turns the water off when we are both rinsed off. He gets me a towel from the bathroom closet and wraps one around himself. We dry off and I retrieve my boxers from the living room floor, sliding them on before heading to the kitchen to find something suitable for us to eat. Hux reemerges from his room dressed in boxers and a loose fitting shirt, I keep it to myself, not wanting to make him feel insecure at all, but he looks absolutely adorable.

“There’s bread and meat for sandwiches in there. Don’t trouble yourself too much. It’s late..I’ll be on the balcony...I need a smoke.”

“Alright, I’ll be right there.”

I nod and do as I’m told, making us both a sandwich out of the meat, cheese and bread that Hux has stored in his fridge. I take both sandwiches out to Hux where he’s seated at the balcony table, cigarette between his lips as he gazes a bit distantly out to the city. I take my place beside him and quietly eat my sandwich, giving him his time to think. I’m not one to start a conversation when conversation isn’t needed.  
He’s the first to break the silence.  
“It’s a stupid idea that your body is..sacred or whatever...but I wish I had been given the choice to protect mine. I wish I could offer myself to you and not have all this fucking...baggage.”

I reach my hand to his and thread our fingers together.

“I don’t see you as anything but perfect..just as you are..no matter what horrible things you’ve been forced to endure in the past. Please know that..”

He blows out smoke as he exhales, puts his cigarette out and takes the sandwich I made him.  
“It just feels like..everything gets ripped away from me. It’s...exhausting. I can’t even do normal things like fuck without being...messed up and ruined.”

“You’re not messed up...or ruined. This is all going to be completely fine. I’m not going anywhere...and we’ll tackle one thing at a time until you feel like yourself again. I promise.”

“...it’s not going to work.”

“It is going to work...and you’ll get to meet my family which is weird as fuck but still sort of...nice? Better than going over there for the sole purpose of introducing you as my boyfriend.”

“I’m not your boyfriend. You have to ask me sober.”

“Yeah yeah. Small details.”

“Details are important.”

“Oh are they?”

“Yes. Very. This sandwich is decent. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome...”

We finish eating in silence and I sit with Hux, holding onto his hand as he starts and finishes another cigarette. He lets me light it for him.

Once we get into his bed he moves into my arms like he’s always had his place there, and I hold him tight, not wanting his demons to get anywhere close to disturbing him from his rest now.

We’re both quite exhausted and it isn’t long before I can hear Hux’s breathing level out as he falls asleep. I’ve been handed a purpose by this man in my arms, to protect him and care for him and make him feel every bit as perfect as he is to me, regardless of what awful things have happened in his past to tear him down. Nothing was going to change my devotion to him unless he felt I was ever unworthy of it, but I, of course, hoped that would never be the case. Never in my life have I felt so connected to another, and although I found it slightly scary, and was quite constantly afraid I’d do something wrong that would upset Hux to the point of no return - I was all the more excited to heal his metaphorical wounds and kiss his scars , one by one, until he felt at home in my arms, with my lips against his skin, with my touches urging sweet sounds from his lips.

I kiss his forehead, then his lips gently enough as to not wake him, and follow Hux into slumber.


End file.
